I woke up this morning with that same old feeling in my stomach. Every Monday I wake thinking, "What hoops do we have to jump through this week?" The judge's orders are clear, but I still half expect someone to call telling me I have to prepare the boys for a visit or something like that.
I am so grateful to God for these visits being stopped. It is such a big relief, but I think I am having trouble convincing myself I don't have to watch them scream anymore. Maybe when I have a week or two of relief it will start to settle into my mind.
From last Thursday on I have had moments of reveling in the idea that Baby, Tot, and Tyke have a good chance of becoming our boys. When I see one of their smiling faces I get a rush of joy at the blessing that God may be allowing me to raise these precious boys. I keep thinking over the last year as we have a normal happy moment. I remember fearing that we would never be able to have that kind of moment. I can't deny there are glimpses of the joy that may await me.
I am just waiting to relax. It's possible I won't fully relax until the last papers are filed and the boys are forever ours. Until then I know that anything can happen. So even though I am blessed, and thrilled, and relieved, Feb 28th, TPR, can't get here soon enough.
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