My Houseful

Day 1:
It was full of nerves mostly.  I was so blessed to see 3 of the cutest little guys get out of the caseworkers truck. They are ages 6,5, and 2.  Dogs came from every direction to greet them (My neighbors dogs were visiting for awhile. They like to say "hello" sometimes) and the boys were nonplussed by the excitement.  They were excited to see Cyrus and Olivia and vice versa.  I never expected what a blessing it would be to have Cy and Liv be the ones to chat the kids up and show them around.  They were wonderful built in ice breakers.

*Side note... I will not be using the boys names for confidentiality reasons.  I will just call them Frank, Middle, and Little

I talked to the caseworker while the boys investigated from top to bottom.  I learned quickly that Little loves buttons, light switches, door latches, and moving! Middle has a very sweet temperament and was eager to receive any form of positive attention from me.  Frank was more quiet but seemed to be a bit of a detective.  He was very determined to know how things worked around here.

Ryan came home shortly after they arrived and spent the rest of the day helping me to acclimate all the new family members.  He was wonderful and I cannot praise him enough.  He was kind, soft-spoken, clear about boundaries, fun, helpful, inviting, creative, welcoming.  The boys were nervous of my bearded beast at first, but by the end of the day they had taken to him like ducks to water, and this is good because we all like ducks (you will see why later).

All the kids spent time on the very popular trampoline, they visited the chickens, and dogs, admired the pond, tramped through the woods, and even got a tractor ride very similar to the picture I have posted on this site.  It was an exciting day.    I got to rock and sing Little to sleep and as he laid his head on my chest I knew if the Lord allowed it, I could definitely see myself loving these 3 forever.

To be honest some sadness kicked in for the boys when the sun set.  To them coming here is not a dream come true, it is their own personal tragedy, and I grieve for them.

Day 2:

As the kids got used to their setting some of the polite edges wore off.  Cyrus was a bit overwhelmed at a couple points, Middle had bouts of extreme despair even with only minor corrections happening, Frank was quite... well... frank, about the fact that he was angry about all things he deemed unfair and , and Little decided he wasn't going to eat.  Olivia was there.  My headstrong, fiesty, darling, was kind and helpful, and pleased to join in whatever fun she could.  Who knew?!  Things got so much better when my conquering hero arrived and the whole family literally lit up! The boys were excited to see him and he had all 6 of us laughing at his crazy duck noises (he is an excellent sneezing duck).

I am not disappointed.  I had prepared my heart over and over and over again for the imperfection of it all.  I know this helped me take today's hiccups in stride.  By the end of the day Cyrus was once again the benevolent leader, Frank was grinning, Middle was coming in for snuggles and story time, and Little actually ate!  I snuggled and loved on Frank and Middle and yes, I got to rock and sing to Little again.  I love singing Jesus loves me.  The boys don't seem to know who Jesus is.  How blessed am I to get to share the life and love of Jesus with these boys?!  THAT is my dream come true.

A Growing Family

In the last few days I had decided not to jump everytime the phone rang.  I had decided not to bother carrying my cell phone with me every second.  I had decided not to live as if myt life might change at any moment.  It was just too much to constantly wonder.

You can imagine my surprise when I realized I never took my phone off the charger this morning.  I went to retrieve it and found that a caseworker had called 2 hours ago.  "Don't get excited.  Don't get excited!"  I told myself.  Most likely it was another form of paperwork I had forgotten or a class we could attend.  The voicemail let me know otherwise.  A sibling group of 3 young boys needs a place to go.

I am in this strange place of being so excited and being so nervous at the same time.  First of all these boys aren't free for adoption.  Their case is complicated and I do not know what the outcome may be.  Secondly we are going from a family of 4 to a family of 7!

As crazy as it may seem to some of you that is the part I am most excited about.  I am happy to fill our Excursion and our home up.  I don't just want to live with more than we need because its comfortable.  I want to fill the space up and God is letting me do that.

Another point of nervousness is just the wondering what the dynamic will be like. I am wondering how the children will adjust to one another and to us.  I am wondering how we will adjust to them... and on another level I am just so sad for them and for their bio parents and for this crazy sin-filled world we live in.

God be praised!  He is going to use me to be a blessing to more children!

Christmas Wish

   Is it okay to have a Christmas wish even when you are pretty confident in the silliness of it?  Well, here is my wish... I wish the phone would ring and someone on the other end would say, "We have little ones for you.  Can we bring them right away?"
   Last night I dreamed I was looking for a sign.  Looking for the little child that might be mine.  I was in a store and I saw a little boy in a checkout line.  I thought, "There he is!"  I look on adoption websites all the time.  I can't sleep for thinking there may be some stone I have not turned over, some line of thought that needs more exploring.  What is wrong with me?  I have such a sense of urgency about this and it doesn't make sense.  The Lord has given me children.  I am not alone and if he never does another thing for me I am blessed far beyond what I deserve.
   I do not like feeling like a failure in the patience department either.  This inability on my part to set something off to the side and just... Oh I don't know... enjoy the holiday, it really frustrates me.  I am looking forward to Christmas morning with my babies.  I love my family and our home, but for some reason knowing the Lord wants us to adopt makes this Christmas feel incomplete. I feel that we are not all here.  The rest of my family is "out there" somewhere and they don't even know me or the way I already love them even though I have never seen, or touched, or heard their voices.

So I guess, really my Christmas Wish, or prayer really is for Peace and Joy to wrap around my family's celebration of the King's birthday.   That is where I need to be, and Christ, who has given so much, can give me that as well.

Doubtful

   It seems doubtful to me that we will get either boy brought here for Christmas.  I do pray that they both go to a wonderful home and yes, I kind of hope it is for Christmas.  The caseworker had mentioned that the first little boy had an unprecedented amount of home studies submitted.  The second little boy's information came with a note that he would need to be moved quickly.  It makes me think he is not coming here since we haven't even gotten a call yet.  I am waiting for my time.  It is hard, but I want to wait patiently.

   My little boy said tonight, "Mom, maybe we will wait 10 years!"  His 7 year old musings are so close to my heart on this.  We talk about it as I am putting him to bed.  "Mom, do you think we will get our family soon?"

"I don't know Cy, just talk to Jesus about it. It's been a real roller coaster."

He looks at me eyes wide at my amazing metaphor and exclaims, "Yes! It is so twisty and turny like the ones where you don't know where your going next at Disney World!  I am going to be glad to be off this roller coaster."

I had to smile.  I didn't realize it was the first time he'd heard the roller coaster analogy.  Not only will I be thrilled to get "our family" but I too will be happy to step off this particular roller coaster.

My funny husband

   It would be a serious understatement to say my husband likes Christmas music.  It plays everywhere he is from the day after Thanksgiving until after Christmas.  On the rare times it isn't on I still hear him whistling the jolly tunes!  His vacation started today and I woke up at 6:30 to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and Christmas music playing softly. He's jolly, he put on a feather boa at Hobby Lobby and rocked it!  He has facial hair (a fluffy red beard that is perfect), he looks awesome in red (it sets off his eyes!)  and he has a perfect intimidating face when necessary (those reindeer will stay in line!). I think he wants his next job to be Santa Clause!

The good news is we already have 2 little elves to help with the baking and toy making!

I just have to think through the the Mrs. Clause thing...

Possibilities

I couple days ago I had inquired on a little boy I found while searching the internet.  He was free for adoption and of course he pulled at my heart.  Though, in truth, they all do.  It was so simple.  I just clicked the little "inquiry" button.  I sent the news off to some friends along with the tag, "I know it's a long shot."  Still I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when the boy's agency requested our homestudy.  I am trying not to get too excited.

I am not hopeless or angry, but some background might help.  There was a sibling group of 3.  We met them and loved them on day 1.  They were sent elsewhere.  God's will be done.  What else can I say?

Yesterday, I received an email from our adoption specialist.  It said "Someone for you to consider."  This was a different little boy.  I read through all the paperwork with its scary sounding terminology.  It is one thing to fall for a picture.  It is something else entirely to read of their painful pasts and know they will need you to help them through the dark places that has left in them.  This has been our first real glimpse at "the whole story" and although I am optimistic by nature I paused.  What are we doing!?  I shared his story with my husband and David shocked me by saying, "Tell her we are interested." Wow, God.  In that moment my fears were replaced with peace.  This man the Lord has given me, he is by nature a dragon slayer.  He is cautious and careful, but always willing to go to the uncertain place and live outside of the box. Our children our blessed to have a Daddy that understands fears and the importance of facing them.

So now there are 2 boys.  Maybe one of them is our child... maybe neither of them is.  This is too important to stomp my feet and demand my way.  These are people's lives and God bringing them home is more important than if it is my home.  So I pray for these precious boys.  That they will get to go home for Christmas. That they will be filled with the love of a family, and one day they will love the Lord their God with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength.