Therapy Animals

Chi has his issues, as I have gone on about before.  He can startle and scream and go from bad to worse before I know what started it all.  He has been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder.  I haven't done much traditional therapy with the diagnosis.  I do try to be aware of that side of things and work with him to process unexpected events instead of pushing and escalating the issues.

I have heard of therapy animals, and I feel like I am getting some bonus therapy lately.  Watching Chi with all of the new animals he is the happiest kid around.  The puppies and kittens bump, tug, roll, and climb all over him and he loves it.  He is always carrying a kitty or a puppy.  He is not at all afraid of the goats in the pasture.  If I have any issues it is getting him to stay back at times.

Even with duck herding Chi is in on the action.  We herd our ducks to the pond and we herd them to their little house in the evening where they get safety from predators and a nice meal. The herding is noisy and unpredictable, but Chi even loves the ducks.  There is not an animal on this property that sets Chi off.  When he is upset you can set a kitten on his lap and he is a new kid.

Chi has struggled with empathy and cause and effect in relationships.  But with animals he seems to understands that the animals can be scared or hurt or happy or sad.  He understands his actions affect their feelings and how much they want to be around him.  He coaches everyone else on how to treat the animals.

I am loving on Chi lately.  He has been a happy boy and I think all the animal snuggles have helped him regulate big time.

Warning! Foster Care Can Lead to Goats

These past 2 weeks have seen the addition of quite a few mammals to our little farm.  We grew by 2 puppies, another 30 chickens, 4 goats, 6 ducks, and a partridge in a pear tree.  Okay, not really the partridge, but you get my point.  I never intended to have 30 more chickens (We had 25 already) and 6 ducks.  That just sort of happened, but the puppies and goats were part of the plan.

This partly explains my absence from blogging (well, that and horrible internet problems).  I have been BUSY.  I also have green beans coming in already, so I am gearing up for picking and canning. I guess we are kind of becoming a homesteading family. At least when I search the internet for answers to my questions I oftentimes end up reading advice from homesteading types.  Over the past couple of years we have been working towards growing and providing as much for our family as we can on our own.  I am no expert, but it has become important to me.

I think the addition of the 3 little boys was definitely a part of the push for me.  I kept thinking about how much food costs have gone up and how they would probably keep going up. At some point I will have 4 boys ranging from 12 -18 years old and if I know anything about boys its that they can clean out a refrigerator in no time.  We get a foster care per diem right now and the boys are little, so it hasn't been too hard on us, but I am trying to think smart and plan to use our resources efficiently to provide well for my family now, and in the future.

 We save so much money by growing our own food, and by buying meat in bulk from the butcher.  Recently a family member came to visit.  Cyrus and Liv were asking why we weren't eating out as we munched on pork burgers, sweet corn, applesauce, and green beans.  We started by adding up the costs of the meal we were currently eating.  Because the produce came from our home and the meat came from the butcher, the meal, which fed 8 of us, cost approximately $4.50.  If we had gone to our favorite "cheap" sit down restaurant it would have been $45 and a tip.  The kids and the visiting family member were duly impressed.  It has been this kind of thinking that has led us down this road of attempting to be more self-sufficient. 

All of that was to explain to you why we now have goats.  Obee can't drink regular milk.  He has some kind of reaction to the lactose.  I have to buy him special milk that costs $4.45 for a half gallon!  That is nearly $10 a gallon!  We had talked about getting goats several times.  Goats would help keep down the annoying weeds in our pasture, they would be wonderful trimmers for the blackberry bushes, we like goats, and we could all drink goat's milk becoming that much more self-sufficient.

We were given Dixie, she is a Boer goat, which is a meat goat and not a dairy goat, but someone asked if we'd be willing to take her as their life no longer permitted a pet goat.  Dixie got the ball rolling.  She ate the weeds, but did not provide any milk, which was what my heart truly desired.  We started looking around and that brought us to our Nubian, Courtnay and her two kids, Stars and Stripes (names chosen by
Cy and Liv). 

Now Courtnay is a first time freshener (I think that's how you say it).  What that means is that these are her first kids and she has NEVER been milked.   I am a first time milker and what that means is Courtnay and I are muddling through as best we can.  I saw Courtnay's Mom get milked.  I practiced on her Mom, and I thought, "No problem!  I've totally got this!"  The one eensy-weensy problem is that Court does not appreciate anyone handling her udder and she has absolutely zero patience for a novice.  After about a week of milking practice we are finally getting measurable milk,  Court still tries to hop, kick, and bump all over the milkstand, but she is beginning to settle and I am starting to improve on this milking thing.  We turned the corner the day I stared her dead in the eye and said, "YOU ARE NOT WINNING THIS!  I took on 3 little boys at one time.  THREE!  If I can do that, then I am definitely more stubborn than you are (Yes, I actually said this out loud to a goat)."  Courtnay, who is currently raising 2 demanding kids must have had sympathy because she settled down after our little chat.

So just remember if you are thinking about going into foster care and maybe adopting this could lead to all kinds of new frontiers you never even dreamed of before.  You might wake up one morning and go out to milk a goat and in some strange way it will be one of the most satisfying things you have ever done.

Reunion

It was a pretty good day yesterday. At least looking back on it. I woke up so, so tired. As I do every day, I prayed for strength. I crawled out of bed and knew that my energy was just not there. What do I do? There is no choice. I put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

Cy and Liv have been gone visiting Grandparents and I knew they were coming home yesterday. Clean up had to happen. Maybe not for Cy and Liv, but definitely with my in-laws coming over. How I wonder, do bathrooms get so dirty so quickly? When will I get good at remembering to move the laundry to the dryer? Why did all of this used to seem so easy?

A-round-a-bout noon I started to feel more awake. I moved slightly faster on the chores. Absentminded cleaning got replaced with slightly more focus.

Chi had a pretty good day, so that helped. He did a lot better with the screaming as I have been working hard on that single issue with him for the last several days.

If he screams to communicate he sits down for awhile. Period. I don't negotiate the who, what, where, why, or how until after he sits... quietly. When he screams it's rarely from actual trauma. 99% of the time when he screams he is frustrated about something. I have yet to have a single event over the last 4 days make me say, “Yeah, I guess that's worth screaming about.”

Then when he did really hurt himself on something he didn't even scream. He just showed me his bleeding toe and asked for a bandage, but I digress. So, Chi has to sit, and then after quiet sitting we talk. He has shown improvement since the zero-tolerance screaming policy has come into play. He backslid a little when Cy and Liv got home. He was thinking that maybe he could at least still scream at them.

Obee is a happy boy. He has been like a lost puppy following me around for the last several days since the kids left. He just did not know what to do with himself. He has been driving me just a bit bonkers with his extra clingy, slightly rebellious, whining for everything, boundary pushing behaviors over the last 4 days. Cy and Liv came home and happy, secure, Obee came back. I suppose my boy just likes his family close.

Even Zee was in a better mood after the big kids came home. Zee's crib is in Liv's room. He wakes up to the sight of her nearly everyday. She plays silly games from her bed for him just to make him laugh. She has been missing. I wonder if that is why he has been waking up crabby? He saw her today when he woke up from nap and bubbly Zee was back.

It's these little things that remind me that my Littles are probably still carrying a lot of insecurities. They do better when we are all together. Our crazy family-life represents stability for them and they want every person in their place. I agree with my Littles, life is better with Cy and Liv around.

Parenting the Personalities

I have so many personalities in my home.  I often make the mistake of finding something that works with one personality and attempting to copy paste that same method across the spectrum only to end up sending my home into a cauldron of chaos.

I did it just recently.  I noticed that Chi would settle down instantly when I used as few words as possible.  When there is drama he prefers to use his eyes to understand the situation.  I was using far too many words with him and he was freaking out.  I had an "aha" moment.  I had been trying to get him to talk when he was upset or had broken a rule, like I would do with Cy.  Now when Chi has a big violation (think causing pain violations).  I just point at the time out chair.  We don't talk.  He is doing wonderfully and the incidences of freaking out and big violations have gone down dramatically.

Now, onto my mistake.  I over applied this technique to Obee.  He does a big violation and I point at the chair.  Except, Obee uses conversation to understand things.  When I won't talk he doesn't feel understood.  He started wailing as he went to the time out chair.  He hasn't done that in forever.  He started wailing when I finally had to send him to his room to calm down.  He took forever to calm down.

I realize that Obee and Cy are my talkers.  They make sense of their own behaviors and the behaviors of others through talk.  Sometimes that is self-talk and sometimes that is talking between themselves and an adult.  It is not unusual for me to see either child talking to themselves about something emotional.

Liv and Chi never do that. Liv will sit with an angry face and not say a word, or storm off to her room (not that I allow that often).  When Chi is angry he will destroy something while pretending to be a villian, but neither child is given to actual talking about their frustrations.

 Both of them are distrubed by seeing too overt demonstrations of feelings in others.  I am a crier.  I remember the night I talked with Liv about how much I love her.  She looked distressed and said, "Mommy don't cry."  I was touched thinking how much she didn't want me sad. Then she added, "I hate looking at it."  Ouch. Demonstrations of "big feelings" turn Liv off and freak Chi out. 

We will see what Zee will be.  He can't communicate much yet.

My point is that I have to remember to find what works for each kid and tailor my response. 
So a note to myself...

Cy and Obee make sense of their world through language.

Liv and Chi make sense of their world through action.

Zee just wants a cookie, I can tell him I am going to give him the cookie while I am getting it, or I can just hand it to him.  Just either way, give him the cookie.  One for each hand if possible.

Travel Can Be a Bear

We have been going like crazy the last week or so.  We just finished up a visit with my family and my girlfriend who lives way too far away.

The visits were great and terrible.  It was so good to see family and to reconnect.  However one of my little dumplings can seem determined to sabotage things.  I got so frustrated after awhile (this is an understatement).  I just did not want to hear him scream anymore. He cannot do things quietly.  I was questioning everything I was trying to do.

 I felt bad that not only had I brought such dysfunction into my home, but that my entire family was now having to deal with constant screaming during what was supposed to be "fun" family visits.   This boy seems primed to know when my options are limited and although we are working on empathy when he's frustrated he still does not care how it makes anyone else feel.  When you add this dynamic to my Mother's 1200 sq. ft. and 15 other people...  uncomfortable would be another understatement.  We all tried to stay outside as much as possible.  6 family members left early.  I couldn't leave as that was where the Littles and I were staying.  I was so embarrassed. Even with Cy and Liv sleeping over at an aunt's this visit just did not work.  I wonder if I will ever be able to stay with my Mom again.

 I poured out my heart to God in prayer and felt him tell me to "hold on, help is on the way."  I you tubed the song with those words and it felt like it was written for me and where I was at that moment.  I left to go to visit my friend because she still wanted me to come.  I wondered if we were both crazy.


I left for my girlfriend's house in continued prayer.  Shortly after we arrived it was like I had a brand new kid.  He still spiraled, but only a couple of times, and I felt brand new too.

My girlfriend was first a foster mom to many kids and is both and is now a Momma to 6 children through birth and adoption.  You may remember me mentioning her retrieving the last 3 from the Congo last year?  She was such a balm for my wounded heart.  She knows all the best and worst about me and she still loves me.

Her house had a perfect setup for our combined 11 children.  She has a gi-normous playset in her gi-normous backyard.  Her home is full of wide open playing spaces, and walls and ceilings are insulated just for the joy of less noise.  My kids could spread out and play.  It made my day and theirs. 

I walked around her house and mentally stole ideas.  I am going to be making some changes here at home.  I still don't know how to travel 5.5 hours away and be okay, but life at home can be more peaceful.