Leave it Alone

What do I do when my children deviate from chores to build a castle together? I sneak up and snap a picture of course.  Peace with so many siblings is something that should be left alone.

Expert... Hah!

I was out yesterday and I noticed another woman with a young school age daughter.   I am desperate to talk to real life grown-ups I suppose,  because I said,  "Are you a homeschool Mom?"

"First year,"  She said, sounding uncertain and surprised at the same time. 

"It gets easier,"  I replied.  We had a short conversation and I talked about beginning my homeschool experience 6 years ago (Wow! Has it been six years?!)

   "Sounds like I should to be talking to you," she said.

  "You've got this," I encouraged the nice stranger.

I realized that somewhere along the way I have gone from a newbie, nervous about everything, to a seasoned homeschool Mama.

I have also gone from being a nervous constantly self-doubting foster and adoptive Mama, to more of a seasoned, do the best you can today type of Mom.

I used to think Mom's like me were experts, but me an expert?!  Hah!  Maybe the only big difference is getting to the place where I believe there truly are no experts, so "they" don't know better than I do and I may not know better than them, but maybe we can learn from each other.   Maybe.

One of the best parenting advice books out there has helped me tremendously and it can help you too!  Are you ready for it?!  "Oh The Places You'll Go," by the always helpful Dr. Seuss.  "Will you succeed? Yes you will indeed!  98 and 3/4% guaranteed!  Kid, you'll move mountains."

As a final note to those questioning my grammer and editing skills  I know titles are supposed to be underlined, but I am using my phone to blog and I can't figure it out! And... if I leave this quiet place people will... well, they will want stuff!  Whew,  self justification complete.  I feel better.

Pancake Therapy

It seems Obie was not done working out his feelings.  We began another day of attention getting antics and crocodile tears.  I was getting F R U S T R A T E D.

I hate it when a beautiful talk sometimes stirs things up for awhile. 

He got in trouble for impulse control issues that led to someone else being hurt at a local gym. He was so upset with me for making him sit out for the last 20 minutes he pulled out the stops verbally to make sure he had my attention. 

Afterwards, I dropped the kids off with a babysitter and drove around my country mile a couple times.  I was becoming reactive and I needed to step away. 

At some point I just knew that all he needed was to be certain of our connection.  I stopped back at the house and picked him up.  We talked and talked and talked because he is quite a talker.  I picked up on some things that were making him have anxiety and he asked if I had a headache, "cause sometimes you get one when your stressed and then I get you a glass of water."  It's no lie he really will show up with a cup of water.  My funny, smart, outrageous kid, he knew I was stressed out earlier.

  We ate pancakes and discussed how Mommy can get stressed out and how he can get stressed out.  We talked about what family means and he was tracking with me all the way.  "Family means like when I get mad at Cyrus because he won't let me in his room, but I still want to keep him?"  We expounded on that beautiful point.

Since our afternoon rescue of pancakes and quality time Obie has had a great day and he seems to be self-regulating again.  Thank you Jesus!

Daddy's Shadow

Zee and Ryan are very close.  Sometimes Zee will pause whatever he is doing just to say, out of the blue, "Hi Dad!"

Ryan chuckles and replies back in a matter-of-fact voice, "Hi Zee."

Where Daddy goes, Zee goes.  Daddy likes tractors so Zee likes tractors, Daddy is fixing things so Zee is "fitsin somepin."

Even in the coldest weather Zee wants to be at Ryan's side.  He begged and pleaded to go on a tractor ride in some very cold weather and because Daddy is a sucker for Zee they bundled up for short tractor ride.

They crack me up.

His Subconscious Remembers

Sometimes my Obie has confusing  dreams.  As he describes them to me I realize he is having flashback dreams.  His conscious mind seems to have forgotten the worst things, but they linger in his dreams.  These disturbing flashes of his old life create what he describes as a kind of macabre portrait amidst dreams of battle scenes as if he is caught in an action movie/nightmare.

I am so glad he talks to me and doesn't suffer these things quietly.  When confusion reigns I retell his story because the nightly terrors are stopped when he can verbalize why they are there in the first place.  Something in my core knows I cannot keep secrets from him about himself.  His own subconscious would betray the lie and he would be distrustful of what he and I share.

As I retold parts of it his eyes flashed in shock at my omnipotence.   How did I know even what he wasn't saying?!  He is so precious to me and as much as I hate that we can't just leave the past behind, this retelling and reaffirming has only brought us closer. 

Again we ended our talk by praying for his first Mom.  This was my precious son's idea.  We talked for awhile.  He said he still loved her and I said that's a good thing.

There is no script for these conversations that I cannot fail to have, but I am so scared of failing.  I hope ultimately my words will convey that I am okay with the blurred lines and conflicted loyalties and bad dreams.  I hope over a lifetime of conversations we will get it right together.

When He Makes Them Laugh.

You know  that moment in the day when you finally sit down and only then discover how truly tired you are?  That is me at suppertime.  Then my amazing husband makes our children laugh.  It's like a cool drink of clear water for my weary soul.  So often he presses the start button on my favorite parts of family life just by making family fun. 

I had to snap a picture of our family table.  One day I'm going to miss this.