Only 2 Left

My mind is a bit split today.  I keep thinking about Court and praying about Court and I keep thinking about Bio-Mom.  If it is successful on Wednesday there are only 2 visits remaining.  There is a part of me that recognizes this would be bittersweet. It would be a beginning and ending for these boys and for bio-mom.

I learned Friday that, both of this week's visits were pushed into the first part of this week per the caseworker's request.  I still have to wonder whose side she is on.  We are stopping visits because of the trauma the boys suffer and her plan is to shove as many in as possible?  Some things I'll never understand.

Still, there is a very young Mom here who may be seeing her babes for one of the last times.  She has failed them terribly, but I do believe some part of her loves them.  It is best for the boys if visits stop, that is where I know I stand, but Bio-Mom was just a hurting kid once too.  Her childhood was by all indicators one of abuse and neglect. It would be easy to gloss over the tragedy she has and will suffer, but my mind is full of her today.  I feel like I want to pray for her, but I am nervous to ask God to save her and transform her because I don't want her to get it together and suddenly get her kids back.  That is AWFUL of me.  I hate that I am even writing it, but it is so true.  People try to tell me I am this good Christian (I think because we are foster parents), they have NO idea.

 Back to the visit part...  I don't want the boys to attend even one more visit because of how it affects them so I am praying and hoping that Wednesday marks the end of that nightmare and maybe the end of some of the actual nightmares they suffer through.   If visits stop I will be celebrating for the boys and for our family.  I am desperate to see these visits end.  I am tired of forcing them to go, tired of worrying what new trauma they will bring home, and tired of seeing them caught in a limbo that is part and parcel to the Foster Care experience. 

Now in obedience and also for accountability I am adding this...

Jesus, save bio-mom.  Transform her.  Remake her.  Remake her life.  I don't know what this prayer would mean for me, but I know I have to ask this for her.  God, you knew her before she was born.  You knit her together in her mother's womb.  She is a part of your plan and design for this world.  She needs you again.  Knit her again Lord.  Use her for your kingdom.  Forgive my wicked heart.  Help me accept your good and perfect will.  Amen.