I was talking with a good friend who got a way for a couple of days. She has 6 kids and she is devoted to protecting and providing for them. Three of her kids have been adopted for just a little over a year. As a result she rarely if ever glances up and takes a breath from meeting their needs.
I am the same way. Babysitters happen only when absolutely necessary, and they are coached extensively. We keep kids out of children's church because of behavior spirals. We sit with them in Sunday School class. We are asked to stay close to the classroom for Wednesday nights. I deal with constantly coaching myself to parent in a way that will not create a downward spiral. I constantly teach, nurture, correct, coach, and sustain little ones. We participate in therapy. Then there is laundry. That deserves it's own section. We are always about our childrens' needs. This is true of many mothers, not just moms in a foster or adoptive situation. All day of nearly everyday is all about them, and that is a good thing, but... we forget who we are. We sometimes even let their attitudes decide who we are today.
When my friend got away she said the same thing I did on my last little escape. "I felt like I was just ME!" There is something so rejuvenating about remembering who we are and what we love. There is something refreshing about remembering that there is a fountain of laughter inside that wants to come out. In the hard days of parenting we settle for finding ironic puffs of humor in the insanity, but that is not a fountain, that is a pitiful squirt.
I am learning through this process that all of the mushy talk in the beginning, about making time for yourself in this process is actually incredibly important. When we are constantly trying to get inside of our children's brains to help heal and grow, or just plain subvert the anarchy, we forget to remember who we are. We have to remember that there is life after all of this crazy.
What makes me happy? What energizes me? Why am I just plain cute and fun? Taking time a little time to do the things that bring me energizing joy leaves more of the best parts of me for my little ones and that can't be a bad thing.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Saturday, November 9, 2013
A Saner version of Crazy.
I am just going to start posting. I am not sure how much of this will make sense, but if I don't write, well... I won't!
I had been very sad, mad, bad, grumpy, tired, and hopeless. I have struggled off and on for the last year. I was improving, but there was still an obvious issue. I had been overwhelmed. I have been praying a lot about this issue. On a very hard day I learned about Thin Healthy Mama. This way of eating is transforming my mood, and my waistline a bit too :) I am so thankful for those moments when we hit bottom and the God of all creation is right there to scoop us up with actual life changing steps to take.
The kids still have behavior issues, but the sensory processing therapy has helped a lot. Also, it doesn't get to me the way it did. The bad news is that for the last month the boys' medical coverage has been denying coverage, for SPD therapy, but at least I know some of the tools to use.
Chi has really struggled in church groups lately. Something about that room sets him off. I can't tell if the workers want me to stay or not. We did not go to church on Wednesday night. I just did not want to have to pull Chi back from the edge.
We are looking at adopting again. We got the blessing from our licensing worker and from the boys' caseworker. Even if this adoption isn't finalized yet, we are told it will not negatively impact our adoption of the boys.
We knew a girl who needed to be adopted because her first adoption isn't working out. We won't be getting her as her first adoptive family does not feel it would be best for her to be placed so closely to them. That was a little heartbreaking for me. We know this girl, V, and we love her, but it is not to be.
However, since considering V we have become attached to the idea of growing our family again. We are keeping our eyes open for a placement that God would have for us. We don't necessarily want babies. V is 7. We just want to be a home for a child who needs us because we are starting to feel again that there is someone else out there who belongs in our family.
I had been very sad, mad, bad, grumpy, tired, and hopeless. I have struggled off and on for the last year. I was improving, but there was still an obvious issue. I had been overwhelmed. I have been praying a lot about this issue. On a very hard day I learned about Thin Healthy Mama. This way of eating is transforming my mood, and my waistline a bit too :) I am so thankful for those moments when we hit bottom and the God of all creation is right there to scoop us up with actual life changing steps to take.
The kids still have behavior issues, but the sensory processing therapy has helped a lot. Also, it doesn't get to me the way it did. The bad news is that for the last month the boys' medical coverage has been denying coverage, for SPD therapy, but at least I know some of the tools to use.
Chi has really struggled in church groups lately. Something about that room sets him off. I can't tell if the workers want me to stay or not. We did not go to church on Wednesday night. I just did not want to have to pull Chi back from the edge.
We are looking at adopting again. We got the blessing from our licensing worker and from the boys' caseworker. Even if this adoption isn't finalized yet, we are told it will not negatively impact our adoption of the boys.
We knew a girl who needed to be adopted because her first adoption isn't working out. We won't be getting her as her first adoptive family does not feel it would be best for her to be placed so closely to them. That was a little heartbreaking for me. We know this girl, V, and we love her, but it is not to be.
However, since considering V we have become attached to the idea of growing our family again. We are keeping our eyes open for a placement that God would have for us. We don't necessarily want babies. V is 7. We just want to be a home for a child who needs us because we are starting to feel again that there is someone else out there who belongs in our family.
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