I see posts all the time from so-called experts in adoption psychology and the holier-than-thou attitude they convey really sets my teeth on edge. I have talked to too many Mommas who are at their wits end looking for answers to help their grieving and angry children. They have discovered countless short-term solutions from these "experts." If there is a stone they have overturned it looking for a way that truly makes a difference in the long-term.
These Mommas are not uneducated about the grief and trauma their children have endured, they are super educated, Maybe even over-educated because there are all of these books and blogs detailing how to deal with your adopted child and instead of helping to create a mother who knows SHE knows her child best, they create anxious and nervous Moms who question every single thing they do with their children.
The books and blogs tell us we don't know what we are doing, but wait! Haven't there always been children experiencing trauma and haven't their always been people stepping into that trauma to try and help? Should a child be allowed to stay hungry, without family, and without home just to prevent a parent misunderstanding a moment of grief as something else?
Why at this point in history have we decided that these children, who thus far have proven to be survivors, are now so fragile and breakable that we cannot even parent them for fear of doing it wrong?
JUST STOP IT!
You are driving people away from these children instead of toward them. You practically feel like you need a degree in psychology to parent an adopted child these days.
Guess what nervous Momma? YOU are or will be, a gift to your children. It doesn't matter if you get mad sometimes when you should be understanding. You love your child or maybe at this point you very much WANT to love your child or you wouldn't be adopting. You are well on your way.
There is going to be hard stuff and there is going to be good stuff. Keep praying and listen to that still small voice inside you. Please stay away from the know-it-alls! They drown out that voice.
Proverbs 14:12 says,
"There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death."
You want to adopt? You want to parent for that matter? Just get your knees ready. You won't have all the answers and there is no great society of know-it-alls with all the answers either. You will need divine wisdom and a lot of grace for them AND for yourself.
