I flipped the calendar page today for February. I saw where I had written Terminaion Trial. I am excited and scared of that date. I pray that trial is the end of wondering if they could somehow be sent back.
Without visits things are relatively calm. I can tell the boys are in a better place. We are all in a better place. Life is a lot easier now. Taking away that constant trauma has given us a sense of normalcy.
I am still dealing with stuff, but its a lot better than it was. I don't know why, but both of the boys, at different times, relived their past today. They were playfully acting out abuse. They haven't mentioned this stuff for awhile. I want to help them forget, but I don't want to coerce them into not talking about things they need to talk about. It's a fine line.
Ryan and I did remove dolls today. When they try to reenact stuff it seems to pull them back emotionally as well. We encouraged another type of play and a new toy.
I don't like not knowing for certain what is right. We are following our guts here. Our guts tell us not to let the boys wallow in muck and so we do our best to acknowledge, affirm, and move on. As the therapist recommends, we say, "I know that sad thing happened, but its all done now."
Maybe I will flip that calendar to March knowing the boys are forever free. When I see them relive the past my own doubts and fears will be gone and I can speak with conviction, when I say, "That is all done now."
No comments:
Post a Comment