My Little Swinger

I may have mentioned it once or twice, but Tot is a handful.  He continues to be the biggest challenge.  In an attempt to break the cycle yesterday I took him with me on a special trip to the store to choose a book.  Although he was pleased with being a "big boy", he couldn't stay in that happy cooperative place.  He had to whine, and run, refuse to cooperate, and tantrum.  We had a couple of sweet moments, but it was at his choosing not mine.

Today I watched him play.  While Liv's back was turned he began swinging his arms like he was going to hit her. He wasn't mad, he just appeared to consider the idea worthwhile.  All of a sudden he glances down and sees a toy.  He stops and his face registers Oh!  I want that toy! Instantly the arms stop and he grabs the toy and the possible hitting scenario is over. 

I know if that toy hadn't been there it would have been yet another instance of someone coming to me to complain about being hit by Tot.  I feel like I learned something. The destructive/aggressive tendencies don't have to come from anger.  At least it doesn't look like anger.  I don't know what to do with what I learned, but its a new way to think about it I guess.

As the day has worn on I have been reaching out to Tot as soon as he starts swinging his body in a dangerous or aggressive way. I hold him and say,  "Shh Tot, shhh, its okay, baby.  It's okay."  He curls into me and buries his head in my abdomen.  He settles down right away. 

I noticed that me being there to touch him makes a  huge difference in play therapy as well.  I hope I can keep this up for him.  I am already a very touchy mama, but this amount of holding feels uncomfortable even for me, but if it is what he needs I hope I can keep it up.  This kind of parenting also does not work when trying to keep five children functioning in an out-of-home environment.

The way things are right now, I cannot leave the house with him, without Ryan to help.  It does not matter the situation he nearly always does something to sabotage his (and therefore my own) enjoyment of it.  I will talk the therapists some more, but my best hope is just to pray him through it.