I have been dealing with a minor stomach bug for the past few days. It hasn't been terrible, but enough to make me tired and enough to make me not want to take my Sam E or "happy pills" as I call them. You take them on an empty stomach and I didn't want to do anything that might make my stomach unhappy. I also missed a several days over the past 2 weeks due to traveling and varied schedules with Ryan on vacation. So I would say in the past 2 weeks I forgot to take my vitamin more often than not.
Yesterday, I began to feel the old me. I knew I should feel happy and find the good in such a wonderful day, but it was a struggle. My stomach bug ruined our Christmas plans so that did not help. Everything felt hard... too hard, and I had trouble finding the joy. I buried it as best I could for my family and put on the best attitude I could manage, but between you and I... I was faking it.
Today, I am dealing with the fatigue again (I know that a portion of this is coming from the stomach bug) and I am just plain grumpy. Remember how I wrote that I can be completely fine and competent, but within a short time everyone's needs pile up and overwhelm me? Yeah, it has been like that.
A couple of major triggers for me when I am in this place are, constant whining instead of asking appropriately for what you need, and loud crying as a result of anger. So when you have and 8, 6, 3, 2, and 1 year old you get these things... A LOT. Let me go ahead and highlight and put in bold the 2 year old and 1 year old.
Today I had a couple of parenting moments where I realized I had sunk to toddler behavior myself. I know this me, and I don't want her back. I have got to stay on the vitamins. I also need to stay healthy somehow. Maybe there is some vitamin I can add to keep myself from getting sick? The little ones have their hands all over everything and in their mouths no matter how often we try and stop that behavior. I have been catching nearly everything they get.
I like blogging because it helps me think through things. After reading what I wrote I realized something else. My littlest boys are having behavior issues. Are they responding to the craziness of Christmas? I forget that all the Christmas fun is sometimes hard on kids. Especially children who have been fighting their own illness and children who are learning to fit in an entirely brand new family. It was hard on me just because of fighting illness and meeting all the expectations of Christmas.
I need to get us back into pre-holiday form, but I have to remember that God wants me to be like water. Not dynamite. I can't blast away the biggest issues. I have to work them away slowly and purposefully... like water.
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