I am hoping we can end visitation soon. It is so bad for the boys. Tyke hates to go. He's 3. He screams and cries and runs and hides and begs not to go. Today he played with the play therapist. He put 3 dolls in the toy car to go to a visit and kept taking the boy doll he identifies as himself out and hiding it. He pushed the car all over the place and crashed it into things with the other dolls inside. However, he put the boy doll softly in my hands and would not put it back in the car. The play therapist said, "This is all for a reason. It is not a coincidence he always takes his doll out. He put his doll with you." Interesting and sad.
I talked to their play therapist today and she is going to join me tomorrow as I go to drop the boys for a visit so she can observe their behaviors to include in a report she plans to give the caseworker. Sadly, I want Tyke and Tot lose it when I try to leave them tomorrow. No one paid any attention at all when I was able to coerce them into doing things calmly. Maybe 1 out of 4 times they go calmly and do not seem too worried. I hope this isn't one of those times because then it makes me look like I don't know what I am talking about. I hate them being sad, but DC$ has to be confronted with the truth and see how traumatic these visits are for the kids.
A note to current and future foster parents: I spent months trying to help them go calmly to visits they hated and I paid for it when they got home. They were angry, defiant, and aggressive. Every time I helped force them to go I got to be one of the bad guys. One day I woke up and realized I shouldn't tell them to look forward to things, or that it would be okay, or that they would have fun. I looked at my crying, screaming, 3 year old and said, "It's okay to be sad and it's okay to be mad Tyke." That was a turning point for us. Since that time he has gotten very angry about visits, but he isn't taking that anger out on me.
Back to my story. Even the judge questioned the advocate on where he got the information from that the boys did not like visits. I am sure even in that judge's mind my opinions are invalid because I am just a biased foster parent. Thank God this biased foster parent looked for therapists who would take such little boys. Thank God this biased foster parent pushed the advocate to go to a visit. Thank God this biased foster parent pushed everyone involved to finally share their opinions that matched my own, because that is the only way my voice would ever be heard.
Looking further into the stupidity of it all... We, the foster parents have reported the boys' anger over visits, but that's not enough. The visitation supervisor has now reported the boys' lashing out regarding visits. That's all the voice most foster kids have regarding visitation, but it's not enough. My boys' are lucky to have an advocate who reported that the boys did not want to be at the visit he attended and that they asked him to bring them home to mommy. Most foster children do not have an advocate who goes to their visits, but that isn't enough. My young toddlers are special, they have a therapist that they cry to and share their fears about visits. She has sent reports that indicate the extreme duress the boys' feel regarding visits, but that is not enough. Finally, my boys also have a play therapist. Her reports show that there is an increase in dysfunctional behavior, aggression, crying, and acting out in all of her meetings that occur after a visit has taken place, but that IS NOT ENOUGH!
Now I am supposed to believe with one more report from the therapists visits will end. I pray this isn't just another pointless exercise.
Now for a hallelujah moment.
I know some of you are praying and I can't thank you enough. To all of you that have been praying, Thank you so much. Yesterday I felt so covered in prayer. My family and friends, my church and their churches were praying. I know some of you were praying and I kept thinking of James 5:16 (the 2nd half)
... The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
I believe our prayers lift our causes before his throne. Revelations 5:8 shows us that 24 elders go before the throne of Heaven. They hold golden bowls full of incense that are the prayers of the saints. I am sure God is used to the tiny fragrance of my prayers coming before him regarding the boys, but I know that yesterday the incense of all of our prayers for these boys future was powerful indeed. Thanks again. There is power in multiplied prayer.
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