To follow up on yesterday's issues... I bundled them all up and they went outside to play. It seemed to reduce a majority of the issues. Tot could choose to sit in a chair by me or he could go play. He chose to sit by me... the WHOLE TIME! I think these 2 visits a week are really unsettling him. I wish I would have realized sooner he just needed me and it wasn't about boo boos.
Now, about the advocate. He called me today and asked how visits were going. I told him how badly it all was going and he said he had a report from the visit supervisor detailing Tyke's having to be forced into the car and forced into his seat. I confirmed the report and gave him detailed descriptions of what it was like to get the boys to leave.
The advocate is planning to take this to the judge himself. He has that power, I had no idea! He says this forcing the boys into the car and seats is taking things too far. He is coming before the next visit and recording the boys' behaviors. He is hoping he can get in front of the judge right away and put a stop to these visits.
On the day the play therapist arrived to observe pre-visit behavior the boys were somewhat subdued. They only really went balistic when I walked away. I do not know what will happen with the advocate and a camcorder present. The therapist is planning to be present as well.
The therapist finally got to actually speak to the caseworker. The caseworker ranted about the boys throwing fits just to get their way about visits and how by visits being cancelled by the bio-family the boys were going to keep throwing fits to try and get their way. She doesn't acknowledge that the boys DO NOT behave this way at any other time. This is not their M.O. Caseworker also went on again about how everyone has to do things they don't like, but that they have to be polite. She told play therapist that Tyke should get candy when he uses his words. The therapist responded, "So we teach him, if you use your words no one will listen to you, but you WILL get a piece of candy."
The Caseworker also said I should put Cy and Liv in a room for a 1/2 hour before each visit so the boys won't be upset because they have to leave my kids. What????? I AM NOT forcing my children to go to their rooms to get the outcome the caseworker wants. Why should they be punished!?
It's kind of like a 3 ring circus trying to do for these boys what any sensible person would do in any other situation. I told the therapist today that I would NEVER force my daughter to go to a visit with someone whom she claimed had hurt her in such ways. I wouldn't do that because she is my child. The problem with the state having ultimate say over children is that they are treated more like the "property" of the state rather than as fragile children. The caseworker says, "It's just 3 more months."
Her message to my tortured toddlers is:
Yes, boys. I know you are completely terrified and traumatized by every single visit, but go ahead and go through that shock and trauma for 3 more months. You'll probably get over it.
Still, I prayed that God would go around her if necessary and it looks like that may happen.
Why are these visits so necessary? Well, from what I am
told they are helpful for documentation purposes. A year of this is
enough documentation. They have had more than enough for a very long
time, but they don't want to bring up the therapists' reports in court
for some reason.
1. I am praying for Monday, that the boys' behavior will bring about what their words have not managed.
2. I am praying the Advocate gets before the judge quickly and the visits aren't drug out while we wait for a court date.
3. I am praying DC$ gets on board when they see how seriously everyone else is taking it.
4. I am praying that this change in visitation will only help these boys get their freedom and not slow down Termination in any way.
I love how filing for termination happened even though it was not intended by DC$. I love how it appears God is doing the same kind of thing again. Just a prayin' and a waitin'!
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