Guilt

In this role of foster parent I am always second guessing myself.

 I am always wondering if knowing I could be doing better. 

I lay myself out before God and I ask him to change me.  I ask him to make me like Jesus.

I keep making new discoveries about me.  I am plagued by issues that I have kept buried.  There were "little sins" inside of me that I have let lie.  They weren't important in the scheme of my busy life.

Every little sin wears away on my struggling family.  I keep having to hold myself up to the Lord again and ask him to change me.  I get so discouraged by the things that don't change about me.

Honesty?  I am tired of asking to be changed.  I am tired of feeling guilty.  I am tired of wondering what will happen.  I am just tired.

I pray all of this changes me into something more like Christ.  I won't be a foster parent ever again.  I have never learned to move quickly past the grief of my own failures.  I am too much of a perfectionist, although you would not know it to look at my life right now.

Update on my friend in the Congo:  She is still stuck there.  Someone told her they had to have her passport for paperwork.  She gave it to them, and now we are all worried sick because you are NEVER to give up your passport.  The person that took it for documentation claims it is needed for final paperwork to be completed by the Congolese government, but he also says today is a holiday, so she will need to wait another day for approval.  I am scared sick for her.  She sends me messages and I have never seen her so desperate.  Please keep praying for her?