A Glimpse of the Other Side

Today, Baby had to get tubes in his ears.  Bio-Mom was invited to show, but I really didn't expect her to be there at 6am.  I was surprised to see her as I came through the surgery center's doors.  It was just Bio-Mom, me, and Baby.

Strangely , I was comfortable.  I can put myself at ease in most any situation, but I never thought I would feel at ease with her. We talked about their funny behaviors and I showed her pictures and videos from my phone of the boys dancing around and having fun.  I watched her with Baby.  She loves him.  We talked about the boys.  She loves them.  She did not get all syrupy and dripping with love language.  It was a Mom to Mom knowing.  This woman loves her kids. 

As we neared the end of everything I asked her who was picking her up.   I saw a flash of utter pain cross her face.   She had no one.  My heart broke.  This Baby Girl is hurt andhas hurt her babies, because she was hurt first.  I heard my mouth offer to drive her home.  "What am I thinking?" I wondered.  She accepted the ride and it was pleasant enough.  She sounded only 13ish when she told me with pride that she'd put the baby to sleep for me.

I neared her home and yet again I heard myself tell her I was praying for her.  As I watched her walk alone to the door of her apartment I couldn't help but tear up.  "God, what is THIS?" I whispered.  "What now?" I prayed. 

I only heard, "Pray."

How can someone who loves their kids hurt them like she has hurt them?  My mind is having a hard time lining up love and abuse, but I can see it exists.  I can see it in her.  Every Mom knows her own dark place.  Every Mom gets desperate and angry and tired. Every Mom makes mistakes raising her children. What would I do if I had no money, no job, and no education?  What would I do if I had no one to turn to?  What would I do if a life of pain was all I had ever known?

I know I want the boys to stay.  I know I don't want them to be further abused, but I am glad its not up to me.

I don't want to worry about her.  She is 20.  The damage is done.  Her story is written... or is it?  I know that Christ wants to redeem her life.  He wants to set her free.  I don't know what the final story will be for her or for these boys.  She does not deserve to have them back.  She will probably hurt them again, but who am I to say what the Lord may have in store for her life? 

I will do as the Holy Spirit instructed me.  I will pray.  Its all I can do.