Support... It LIfts Me.

God has been extra super kind and good to me by sending support where I need it with this fostering thing, and it really lifts me!  Pun intended.

I talked with a friend who is a foster to adopt Momma tonight, and I was set free when I found out she loses it with her kids sometimes.  I seriously thought she could constantly pull off that peaceful Momma thing.  I cannot do this quiet voice, quiet life thing.  Sometimes I want to wring my children's necks (bios and others, I am no respecter of persons).   No, don't pick up your  phones to dial a hotline.  I don't wring their necks, but sometimes I holler!  It sounds like, "I want to wring your necks right now!" or  "I'm going to hang you up by your toenails!"  or "Man, I need to whoop your butt!"  

This loving Mommy correction has been hard for me to release from my way of speaking.  I don't want to further traumatize the darlings in my home, but I gotta be me or I am going to freak out myself.  Sometimes just the threats alone bring a smile to my face and to Cy and Liv's faces.  Then we hide those telltale smiles, and they quickly pick up the room they have been ignoring me about cleaning and all is well.  It lets them know I am still me and I am not possessed by an evil spirit.  Important information like that soothes my little darlings.

Now, back to my point.  My friend, SHE doesn't do EVERYTHING perfect.  I know!  I know!  I was shocked too!  My friend gets mad, she gets sad, she gets frustrated.  It turns out that she prays in the morning and reads her Bible just like me, and then has been known to lose it the very same morning just like me!

Now, I am not glad for her to be experiencing these emotions, but I am thrilled, that I am not alone.  I am thrilled to know that the frustrations and imperfections do not disqualify me from being a foster parent or adoptive parent.  I have been carrying around guilt since our very first foster placement (I yelled at our little boy on Christmas of all days).

I want to get better everyday.  I want to let go of unrealistic expectations and embrace all of the children in my home for who they are.  I am just glad there are women out there with whom I can drop the act, and say "Caring for these kids doesn't always bring out the best in me," and they get that I still love these babies.

I am thankful for the support of the Moms who have gone before me.  The ones that are keeping it real.  What's under the support hasn't changed a bit, but I feel rejuvenated when I am well supported.