Oh screaming, how I hate thee.
I have learned about butterfly hugs from Tyke's therapist and they help him through disappointments, by helping him to self-soothe, but I have another issue that I could use some good ideas for.
Today, Tyke was screaming about going to bed. DH and I have just decided this weekend that it is not fair to Tot, to be forced to sleep in a room with someone who will scream for 20-30 minutes about bedtime because eventually he joins in as well. No, I am not saying cry, I am saying scream. So we warn Tyke 2x usually that if he does not stop we will be taking Tot to our room so at least Tot can nap. Tyke does not stop (otherwise why would I need ideas?) and then we take Tot out. Now, let's go ahead and take screaming and nearly double the decibel level and add gurgling choking noises coming from him as he attempts to permanently turn his face a beautiful shade of purple. I go in and tell him to stop and calm down, he does for 3 minutes and then restarts. I go in and lower my voice (so I sound like a man) and I order him to stop. He does... for 3 minutes. I go in and do a strange version of butterfly taps on each shoulder, and he calms down for 3 minutes. Since the start of naptime this has taken 45 minutes. When I ignore the behavior he gets out of bed and comes out of the room screaming, or just destroys the room. Eventually, eventually, eventually, he gives up and goes to sleep.
What I am describing actually is not daily (anymore). This is a random behavior. I am certain something is triggering it, but what? We have worked hard to make naptime and bedtime a positive and matter of fact experience.
What if I just leave him up? Well, then the clingy, manipulative, demanding, violent behaviors come back with a vengeance and no one in the house is safe. No really, it's not safe.
I have thought about rocking or butterfly hugging him to sleep, but for him holding is something that actually increases demanding behaviors. It is the opposite with Tot. If you hold Tot he calms within a few minutes and wants to get down and go.
So what do I do? Does anyone have experience with this? What did you do?
Now for the upcoming stuff part. There is a hearing on the Tuesday, the28th and visits with bio-Mom were also cancelled until the 28th due to more information coming to light. The last time we had 3 boys a hearing resulted in our boys being ordered to be split up and sent to questionable family members. Many of Tyke's ramblings about abuse involve family members other than Mom so kinship care is something that terrifies me for them. I am praying for wisdom for the judge and for all parties involved to do what is right. Mostly, I am praying for the boys protection. For you praying types out there, please pray with me?
Hi Mandy- Just found your blog from a comment you left on another blog. I read a few older posts just to see what your story was. One of the things that stuck out to me was the 1 year old saying no even when he means yes. Our FD was one when she got here and did the same thing, it was so sad. We also had major screaming issues at bedtime that tapered off after a couple of months. We did end up separating our foster kids into different bedrooms because they would rile eachother up. One thing that helped would be to tell them if they didn't cry and bedtime they would get songs or get to pick a special stuffed animal for bed, and then if they started screaming we would warm them once and then take it away. Took about 2 months for bedtime to get easier. Hang in there.
ReplyDelete