Manipulation

First off, the interview yesterday did not work out.  Essentially Tyke has to be able to sit down calmly for an interview, without me, and say who, what, where and when.  He is 2!!!!  He can say who and he can say what, but sitting still with strangers is NOT going to happen.  Sad about that.  We have appointment with therapist next Monday.  She is going to do her best to document all she suspects for the judge before the 28th.  So, more praying and praying going on here.

One thing I am learning is that affection can be a form of manipulation.  I mean, I have read about it, but reading about something and experiencing it is totally different.  Imagine a beautiful 2 year old wants to crawl on your lap and snuggle.  Sounds good, right?  Somehow it turns into something you MUST do when they want.  If you hold someone else or sit close to someone else that same beautiful 2 year old doesn't just have a typical sibling jealous action, they rage.  I tend to read it as, You must see to my needs first, you must meet my needs first, I am in charge here.  This is something I have been working with Tyke on and now Tot to some extent too. They have very similar reactions to my handing others food before them, others having food after them, or even my taking too long to cook.

It is amazing what these attempts at manipulation can trigger in me sometimes.  My breathing gets faster, my heart rate goes up, I want to do something!  I am having my own fight or flight reaction to their outbursts. Usually, I just breathe for a bit and then I remind simply, redirect, or go for a time in.

The really interesting part is that sometimes this is occurring all at once.  Sometimes I can't calm myself enough before the next outbursts.  Like yesterday, an outburst occurred over our now locked pantry (note... he already knows it is locked now.  This was not a new thing). This was by no means the first outburst of the morning so I started triggering.  I forced myself to slow my walk and slow my breathing.  Just go and deal calmly Mandy,  and then the little darling shoves the baby swing over causing it to land on my babysitter and the baby who is in her arms.  Fight or Flight is on high here.  Best course of action?  I swing that boy up, race him upstairs, telling him he cannot do that.  I open his door and put him in his room and quickly shut the door.  I know he needs me, I know he is freaking out, but I know that the best thing for him is if I calm down.  So I stand there holding the door breathing and praying.  I holler through the door a few times that he is safe and he is in his safe room (he has no idea how true this is at that moment). A few minutes later I open the door.  I tell him I love him, but that he may not throw a fit and that no hurts are allowed here.  My voice was VERY firm.  Tyke calmed down very quickly, said sorry, and that was that.

Even with all the prayer, the training, the book reading, and even mentors, I am still learning as I go here.  I don't take well to being manipulated, but I know that is how these babes survived.  I am trying to appreciate that fact.  I have to shake off the attitude that I can get toward them after a couple hours of outbursts. It is what I will call my flight attitude.  I just feel done with them.   It seems that it is always after these days that I run into people who ask me, "How's it going?"  It is all I can do to only complain lightly and keep my face from looking pure angry.  I cannot locate the area of my brain that can share how cute they are when the play with hats.  How they love to dance with me to the radio, and that it feels good to have kids that will eat everything on their plate without complaint.

A good friend told me yesterday that she admires foster parents because they take on children knowing full well they are probably bringing kids into their house they won't like for a while, but they will love them anyway because they were called by God to this mission.  It was a good reminder for me to watch my heart.  God didn't promise me roses and sunshine.  He called me to this mission to obey and love these kids.

I am going to try something new.  The next time anyone asks me how it is going I am going to say 3 good things first.  Maybe that will change my attitude before I forget that I need to speak life over these babies.