Always Waiting

It seems like with Foster Care you are always waiting.  Currently I am waiting for my boys to leave. I called the caseworker today and she said yes, the boys were leaving and they were being placed in a home near us.  I even offered to drive them when she said her schedule was very full and her vehicle was small.  I am more of a pull the band aid off quickly kind of girl, so I just want to get this over with. 

After I offered I was told that the home hadn't actually agreed to take them yet.  Good Grief!  So I am packing the boys and keeping my emotions at bay.  I am the one that freaked out and said I couldn't do it.  This is my doing, and no one else's.  Its so frustrating that all these pieces fell into place since Friday with the boys' behaviors.  I am finally figuring out the code to this puzzle and it had to be after I threw in the towel. 

I suppose I learned a lesson.  I was listening to these people I really care about telling me, "It's okay if you can't do this," and saying things like, "You know what you need to do."  When I feel like I am at my wits end I often come up with my best solutions, because I become an investigator, but I did not think of that this time.

Well, everything happens for a reason so here I am again... Waiting.  I will wait for them to leave, and then if we stay foster parents I will wait for a placement, then I will wait for medical appointments, and visitations, and court dates, and caseworker visits, and reunifications or terminations.  I will spend my life waiting, but so far with every set of children we have cared for I will say that they are worth it.  Tyke, Tot, and Baby are worth all the waiting and I have to believe if the Lord wants me to continue it is because I will feel the same way about whoever he brings through our door.

Things I won't miss...
15+ diapers a day, biting and scratching, manipulative affection.
Things I will miss...
Tyke saying, "I love you Mom!"  We started out with him calling me Foster Mom, or Momma Mandy, but he wanted to call me what the older kids called me and eventually both boys were always calling for, "Mooooooom!"

Tot, curled up on my lap pointing to anything and everything and saying, "Nook at dat!" 

Baby babbling everytime anyone talked to him.  He is a talker.