I am feeling especially scatter-brained today. Bullets help me get all my thoughts down. Sorry, if you hate bullet posting!
- The court date was set for March 14 so bio Mom could meet with Court appointed attorney
- My Cy told me that he can't get engaged yet because getting engaged involves kissing and that is something God wouldn't want kids doing. (Love his brains!)
- The boys have actually played together now and then without screaming. Right now they are playing tractors on the kitchen floor with no drama. (God is Good!)
- Baby has discovered he can coo and squeal at several volumes so his newest fun game is squealing with all his might. It took just a bit for us to realize he is thrilled with himself.
- Liv is loving her role as mom's only girl in the house (we share chocolate in secret because women need that now and then!).
- Bedtime is pretty much a cinch now.
- Naptime is easy except that either Tyke or Tot will sabotage things if it goes too smoothly and force us to come back in the room 3 - 4 times to order them to stop screaming. They will not calm down until our voices get loud and we ORDER them to be quiet (What is THAT?)
- We are still dealing with emotional outbursts about food. We assure them and comfort them, but many times all that will settle them down is time-out. It feels wrong to put a kid in time out for throwing a fit about food, but like with naptime they settle down once we get firm.
- I had help this week for no other reason than that it makes things easier. I love having friends with homeschooled teenage girls!!!
- I read a great article on the internet somewhere about adoption and trying to love and bond with traumatized kids. It is helping me so much. Essentially the writer was saying focus on the home rules first and worry about mushy things like love later.
Now, the last bullet starts my tangent. The article got me thinking about boundaries and this has been brilliant for me to get hold of. How can we have a healthy love relationship with anyone if we don't have healthy boundaries with that person first? I finally feel free to say to a 2 year old, I am not comfortable with _____________ (insert manipulative behavior here) so I will not accept it from you.
Since their arrival there has easily been 1000 times already that I have not felt comfortable with the type of affection I was being shown and the "survival fits" they go into. I would just feel controlled by the boys' needs rather than freely offering the affection, food, etc. I already wanted to give. I don't want any of my children growing up and demanding from others what they are not comfortable giving, so I realize I am setting them up for problems if I don't set boundaries.
I know these are just my foster boys, and they could move on at any time, but if I am helping them to stop an unhealthy behavior, that is a good thing. In the course of my day this means that we talk about and, if necessary, provide consequences for any behavior that is not good for them or someone else. This could be over-eating, clawing someone's face, forcing someone to give affection, screaming for food, etc. I know this word gets overused all the time for women's issues, but I am feeling empowered.
final note: I still think the ultra-gentle touch is right when I see fear or grief and it is a daily balancing act to look for root causes underneath behaviors. However, I am learning that all the same boundaries need to be in place on even the most grief-filled days..
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