Here is one with me holding Baby's hand. Oh how sweet he is.
Today has been awful. There is so much I need to get done, but I just need to let it all go here. The house is finally quiet. The boys have seemed very volatile since a visit with Mom on Friday. Just when I thought I had it figured out how to get them off to sleep with a minimum of screaming and raging we are back to 45 minute sessions again.
I feel bad for them, but with 3 children under 3 alternately and together filling every single waking moment with dysfunctional behavior I am feeling ragged. The weird thing is I love them so much already. I never want them to go back. The things that I suspect they have suffered... Well, I won't even post them here, but they are horrendous. I can therapeutically parent all day long, but I don't have 3 of me and I don't want to be angry with them, but I feel it from time to time.
It's like, Can you just STOP? Stop raging, stop hitting, stop biting, stop trying to hurt the baby, stop trying to hurt whoever is in arms reach, stop freaking out if you even see a spoon that makes you think of food. STOP!
I know they can't because they are little and someone or many someones did pure evil to them, but this Mama needs some peace.
It's my husband and son's birthday and I can't even get time to bake a cake or wrap a present. There isn't enough of me left to make their day special and I am sad about that.
So God, could you help me? Since I am not enough and you are more than enough can you come in here and rescue this day? I need you Father. I always knew I couldn't do this without you and today is proving it in triplicate. Lord, come and soothe these boys, bless my husband and son, and give me some strength and joy for this day.
Amen
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