Because You Said, "It Shouldn't Be Done"

Whether we foster or adopt some of you tell us we shouldn't do it.  You tell us we are asking for trouble.  You tell us we won't be able to handle it and that we are harming our existing relationships by moving forward with this ill-conceived notion of ours.  Obviously we think we can handle things if we are moving forward, but you are right in one way.   In reality this lifestyle is full of unexpected curve balls for the uninitiated.

You have frowned as some of us have taken on sibling groups.  We see the reality, sibling groups need placements and homes too.  One thing that greatly saddens me is that it seems that some of you who seem so ready to applaud if a family adopts 1 are the same people that will condemn the same choice if it is a sibling group that is being considered.

I want you to know that when you condemn a family who is considering adopting one or multiple children you aren't just condemning that family's choices, you are actively advocating against a home for an orphaned child.  Have you thought of that?  You are playing ball for the other side!  You think that there are "others" who will mysteriously appear to meet the needs of these children, but if all adoptive families took the advice you are handing out who would care for the children?  Children desperately need homes and they need families that are just crazy enough to think they can do it.

If you are planning on trying to talk a friend or family member out of an adoption are you willing to take their place and provide the home?  Are you willing to be the home to a sibling group?  If you are not, then you need to keep your opinions to yourself.

As soon as you tell me, or anyone else that you don't think this is a good choice for our families you firmly place yourself outside of the circle of trust.  I know I can never call you and tell you about the really awful days.  I know you will smugly feel right about your assessments of my family's ability or lack thereof.  I don't believe you really care, and I will drown before I call you for help.

There were many days in the first few months of this placement where I knew I couldn't do this work.  I knew I had made a terrible mistake.  I felt overwhelmed, grief stricken, futile, angry, and disillusioned.  You were right when you told me 3 traumatized children was just too much, but I made it because of those who did support me and some days on prayer power alone.  Through one of the biggest storms of my life I did not call YOU.

Those who say a thing cannot be done are not soon forgotten by those who do it anyway.

My boys are still here and we are still a family and we are building a beautiful thing together. I do not know what the future holds, but I know God brought us all together.   Maybe it would all be even better today if you could have been there for me in the beginning.  As it was, I avoided having a real conversation with you.  I still, I do not trust you.   I believe you are waiting for me to fail.

Maybe you are reading this and you have told a friend or family member that they should not adopt at all, or you have proclaimed they should not adopt beyond a certain number.  I urge you to go now and apologize.  God can use you to support this family who can't do this big thing. 

You can do your own part helping that new foster mother or adoptive mother adjust to her new life by bringing her dinner,  picking up her kids from school, making a grocery run for her, or by simply bathing her new family in prayer. Aiding widows and orphans in their distress is more than just adoption.  You can serve the Lord by being a blessing to those who go to the front lines even when God has not called you to that exact place yourself.`