At Church Today

Tyke has graduated out of the nursery and into Children's church.  The fun part of for us is that he now sits in church with us until the Children are dismissed.  Ryan had to leave the service for the cry-room because Baby wasn't feeling well.  It was me, Cy, Liv, and Tyke.

 Thankfully Cy and Liv do pretty well.  If they were getting away with things while I was dealing with Tyke they kept it under the radar.  Tyke had to sit on my lap, then he wanted to stand, then he wanted to sit on the front pew, and he wanted to twist and turn and reach for anyone around us to see if they would hold him (no, I did not allow that).  Whew!  The first half of church was a major workout holding a wiggling 3 year old. 

I suppose the audience was too much for him to pass up because he broke out with, "Ow!  You're -"  All of the sudden he stopped and looked up into my eyes and whispered, "I not say that."  Thank the Lord in heaven.  I don't know if he was concerned about lying or if he was concerned what outings or treats he may miss out on, but Tyke got himself under control (well, in that area anyway).  He still tried to lay on another woman behind us.  To keep me from looking up front he kept saying he wanted to give me kisses and grabbing for my face.  He reached his hands into my hair softly and then quickly pulled it all over my face so I couldn't see.  He was seriously going for an attention war.  He would never have pulled that with Ryan there, but he works me a lot more than he does Ryan.  I finally got the shenanigans to settle down by threatening time-out in his car seat in the car.

 He does not like car seat time-outs, which is how we handle things when we are out.  None of our kids liked car seat time outs.  I am not sure why they are so effective.  Maybe its knowing they didn't end things for everyone else just themselves.  The offender stays in the car, while one of us waits outside until the screaming subsides (no point in torturing my eardrums).  All the rest of the family continues participating in whatever event the culprit has decided to forgo and it allows the innocent parties to suffer the least. 

I am noticing little control behaviors like needing a kiss (well more like 20), messing up my hair when it starts as a gentle touch, fake crocodile tears, insisting he has to go potty when I am giving attention to someone else, when I just took him.  In themselves the behaviors can seem like no big deal, but the behaviors have taken a turn to become something he can use to manipulate me. Tyke wants my attention on him.  He has me figured out.  He knows the consequences of hitting, screaming, stealing, and now saying I "hurt him" aren't worth it.  He is so smart. 

 He's been here long enough to know I am a very touchy affectionate person.  I like to touch those I love whether its, a kiss, a caress on the cheek, ruffling the hair, patting the arm, or scooping them into my lap.  My kids probably all get affectionately touched 30 times a day or more.  If someone comes to me for a hug or kiss I pass them out freely.  One of my favorite games is to grab a passing child, scoop them into my lap, and tell them they are just a "precious newborn" and cover them in smooches.  All of the kids love the attention (yes, even my big 8 year old boy although he says I will have to stop cradling him maybe when he's 10.  I love how he has it all figured out.). 
 
Tyke also knows I am very tender toward anyone who is sad or hurting. If someone gets hurt or is just emotionally struggling this is a time for connection.  I never want my family to think they have to go it all alone when they are having big feelings.  So we sit and talk and connect, and yes, of course we hug.

Now, Tyke is more emotional and affectionate than he has been in a long time.  For example he has started coming to me sobbing giant tears over things that have never affected him the slightest before. The tears are big, and when I pick him up he feels like a limp noodle. I calm him and soothe him and send him on his way and he comes back to me for the SAME thing over and over and over until I am just like, "Knock it off!"  and he usually does.

 I am actually not sure what to do.  I can't just stop being affectionate and considerate of broken hearts.  My big issue is that these acts of love I give freely and in abundance, I don't want to feel like they are being forced from me in an attempt to control me.   I REALLY don't like feeling that even my time in worship before my God has to take a back seat to Tyke's manipulations.  I am going to have to get a plan to deal well with this behavior.

As an aside...  Ya'll I LOVE Tyke!  He makes my heart happy.  He is so stinking cute and is growing leaps and bounds in so many ways.  Please don't think I don't adore this boy.  Today, we both had to use the restroom at the restaurant after church.  My little man went first and then respectfully turned his face to the wall so I could have my privacy. I did not even have to ask, he has taken my words on privacy for everyone to heart.   He is not a trial I must endure, he has my heart.  There are just some behaviors I see that cause me to worry and if you have any advice to help make the hard parts easier I am all ears.