I got a call yesterday that we won't be having visits this week and maybe none for next week either as B.M. is in jail and she will not be able to attend visits. Tyke does ask for her once in awhile and I think he would say he wants to see her, but he does SO much better when he gets these nice long breaks from her.
I knew the sentencing was going to impact when she made visits, but I was not going to be the one to remind everyone that B.M. would need to reschedule visits if she was going to have them.
It turns out that the visitation agency did call and ask her to reschedule her visit, but she did not. Visitation supervisor contacted her yesterday and said, "Did you work today?" B.M's response, "No, I had today off." Supervisor replies, "Ok, so we are NOT doing a visit this week?" B.M, "No, I have jail tomorrow."
Visit supervisor tells me she will not call to remind her to reschedule next week, so I probably don't have to worry about a visit. Cool!
I am so proud of Tyke lately. He just works so hard to be good. I know others don't see Tyke the way I do. The see the way he will kind of freak out and just start going like a crazy person, but I see him differently. I see the fear and hope all in the same kid. I see him pushing to see if I will push him away and hoping like crazy that I won't. I just love that boy so much. If you had asked me in the beginning he was the one that scared me the most. His fear made him ferociously strong and I was a bit terrified of him getting older and none of us being safe, and by none I mean the rest of us AND Tyke.
Tot is a lot harder for me. He is the one that others more easily connect with on a superficial level. He has these big gorgeous eyes and he is peaceful when you hold him and speak quietly to him. He is also more peaceful with others than Tyke can be. He and Tyke both say and do the funny things that you only get to enjoy from toddlers. Sadly, he throws gigantic fits when I put him down after holding him. He has no interest in obeying and in fact he thinks its more fun to disobey. Tot is incredibly aggressive, and he can come across as rebellious, because he is a fighter and he does not have the good sense to know when to quit. He will push all of your buttons, and then just circles around and push them all some more. Through it all I am supposed to stay patient and therapeutic so I can help him to recover from his traumatic life, but I don't stay patient and therapeutic. I get mad at him and then I get mad at me. I am kind of tired of me.
An example of a fun time with Tot,
My helper put him in the grocery cart and he wanted out. She would not let him out so he kicked her. She looked at him firmly and said, "No kicking." He then screamed, "YOU DO NOT HIT! YOU DO NOT HIT! YOU DO NOT HIT!" She looked at me helplessly and I actually had to laugh. I had been watching the whole interaction so I knew there had been no hitting. He has done the same thing to me and it terrifies me what people are going to think I am doing to this child. I know when he first came he heard, "You do not hit," from myself Cy and Liv quite a bit. I am beginning to think he just thinks, "You do not hit." means that something is not okay, but how do I explain that to the random stranger at WalMart?
I'll figure it out I suppose. Well, at least I won't have visits making things worse. I need Dr. Karen Purvis of Parenting the Connected Child to just move in I think.
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