A Package Deal

Why in the world does it have to be so hard to try and do anything with toddlers! The screaming and fit throwing and hitting and button pushing are just too much.
 I want to be able to experience life with these boys and it seems all I get to do is protect everyone from them, or I protect them from themselves.

I want to take them out and about but everything is going to be a power struggle, intermixed with food anxieties, and acting out little portions of past abuses.

It is difficult to be in this place.  I hear the cries of the forgotten who want a family of their own.  I want to be there and make the big difference, but on many days I know that this job is kicking my butt.

The SELFLESSNESS that is required to do this work does not come gift wrapped when these children walk into our homes.  The soul searching, and prayer, and desperation that come with this lifestyle don't even guarantee the selflessness a parent will need to foster and adopt these children. 

I pray and pray and pray, and I still struggle with an anger I can feel to my fingertips when one of the children abuses another of the children.  I pray for God to help them sleep, I pray for God to help them be kind, I pray for God to help them heal, and I pray over and over and over again for God to change me.  

I feel there is very little support for the reality of parenting multiple troubled children.  Most of us come into this having been through some of our own traumas.  We know what it is to experience pain as a child and it gives us a heart for children.  But I am learning, THAT feeling  is NOT enough.  Having a heart for these children is nothing more than a good place to start.


We take sibling groups into our homes and we are not prepared.  We do not know what to do when they scream ferociously and others need to rest.  We do not know what to do when they are destructive to property and others feel threatened.  We do not know what to do when they are hurting and abusing other family members and others feel insecure.  We do not know how to uphold the well-being of the family unit and still give hurting children our zeroed in focus.  I know what we are not supposed to do.  We are not supposed to yell, or spank, or scare, or send children to their rooms and that's fine, but how do I look after everyone while still giving everything I can to every hurting child in my home? 

I read advice books from people that don't seem to get riled up.  They stay calm and in control.  How do I do that when my daughter's person has just been violated?  How do I do that when Baby has been assaulted for no reason other than that Tot felt like hitting him in the head with a tractor?  My Momma Bear instinct is strong.  Here's the advice I need... How in the heck do you keep from getting riled up when you see a little child get hurt?! 

 I saw a DVD the other day where the therapist shared how she successfully helped a child get over her fit about having another snack when it wasn't snack time.  In this instance she helped her overcome her fear about food  She admitted she spent 15 minutes with that girl on that single issue.  15 MINUTES!!! Seriously, I cannot spend 15 minutes with one screaming child.  The others will start in just because I am giving my attention to a screamer.  In a single 15 minute time span, I handle a shoving match, a food fit, a dangerous style of play, a child attempting to dart outside, and a choking hazard.  I can't sit down and rock someone gently for 15 minutes and chat.  Where is the advice book or dvd for parents like me?!

In the world of foster care sibling groups are normal, advice for the balancing act that comes with having extremely troubled sibling groups is NOT.