Empty.. and Full

My husband took today off to sort of say "Goodbye" to our little guys.  Even with my family here things felt really empty.
I am back in my favorite spot that I have had no time for in the past 2 weeks.  It's a rocker in the corner of my living room where I can see the pond.  I am beginning to see this as my waiting and hoping spot.  My heart is wondering what is next?  What will the Lord ask?  Will he let me have children to adopt now or will he want me to love and let go of others?
I really did very well today.  I accept that the boys staying here was not meant to be.  I know that is because my friends were praying for me.  Still after hugs and goodbyes that last look before the caseworker shut her door got me.  Frank looked just the tiniest bit scared and sad.  He is only 6 and my favorite thing to do with him was get him giggling.  For Frank, Middle, and Little, I put on my biggest smile and waved like I was excited for them.  I turned around quickly and headed for the house as my tears fell.  I love those boys.  I know it was only 2 weeks, but I love them.

After the boys left we spent some family time playing boys vs girls on Mario Cart.  The boys did win the tournament, but Mommy and Olivia were right on their tails and we did take a few races!  Tonight we will go make gluttons of ourselves over Mexican food (a family favorite).  Daddy is out in the workshop with the kids and they are doing quality bonding things with tractors and engines.  Tomorrow, I can do school again with only minor interruptions and life will go on, and even though life kind of feels empty I thank God because it really is still very full.