I have been missing my husband a lot since we started fostering. The stress of fostering can eat a lot of healthy family time, and add to that "life stress" and it just did not feel like we had any time for each other. I decided one proactive step I could take would be to meet, as a couple, with our Pastor. We did that last night and we just talked about... stuff. We covered old stuff and new stuff and ongoing stuff. It was stuff filled!
My husband and I are no where near divorce or anything like it. I just felt like we needed a jump start in the right direction. It felt like we were getting a "well-marriage checkup" to prevent and identify any bigger issues that might be forming. In our case, there were many things I wasn't saying because I did not want to add to his stress and he was doing the same. It left us feeling kind of lonely.
Our pastor challenged us to keep praying together more nights than not. We personally committed to try and get at least 4 nights a week. He challenged us to take steps to deliberately set aside time to nurture our walk with the Lord. It felt good because, as a couple, we were committing to do these things. He and I both do these things separately in our own way, but not together very much.
We will be meeting one more time as a way to be accountable for how we are doing the things the Pastor challenged us to do. I am hopeful that this will be all we need for this year!
While we were there I was told that our youth pastor is taking one of my ideas! He is going to start an adoptive and foster parent support group within our church! I had mentioned one time that it would be an amazing ministry because there are so many of us in our church. One of the biggest issues I had been dealing with was this feeling of not doing things right and not knowing what to do. I found a couple other families in similar circumstances and talked to the wives. It was a major comfort to me to know their struggles and triumphs.
I think this group will also be good for our marriages. In church now, we can easily attend and never form relationships. Especially when our children our so young it is just easier to get the home before a "meltdown" occurs. This could help us to form relationships with a core group of people who "get it." It could give ideas and encouragement which I think will help us to keep a healthy outlook about it all.
Our first gathering will be a catered dinner where we will be asked to share ideas about what types of things our church could offer to support its adoptive and foster families. I have one idea of "small group" style gatherings where child care is provided, but I haven't developed it beyond that.
If your church was or is offering this ministry what would you like to see as a part of that ministry?
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