I am drowning and I am looking for answers. Failure is not an option. I feel like adapting is better, but my ideas keep being criticized.
I am trying to decide how best to emotionally detach from in-car temper tantrums. I can get them to stop, but only with pulling over and giving attention to the bad behavior. I had the idea that maybe I could wear my ipod in one ear and not be so swallowed up in the screaming and so affected by it. I was told, "You can't do that! You have to be fully alert to everything going on around you."
I decided to hire a girl for summer help. I want us all to be able to go and do things together and still enjoy summer safely. I was told, "If you can't do it without help maybe you just can't do it. What makes you think you will be able to handle it once summer help is over? You think they will be better by then, but maybe they won't."
I feel like nothing I do is going to be right. Maybe this person is right. Maybe I am not cut out for this. If I can't handle listening to a 45 minute car tantrum without some way to help me tune out, and I can't take all 5 out safely, control the situation, and still enjoy my life, then maybe I can't do this. I don't know what to think anymore.
All I know is I felt like God called me to do this. I felt like he has shown me not to give up. If I give up on these boys I will carry it with me forever, because I do not feel peace about it being the right thing to do. I only feel like it is the easy thing to do.
And let's not forget I actually LOVE these boys! I don't want to hurt them or cause them more pain.
If I shouldn't do anything I have thought of and I can't send them away, then, what should I do?!
Don't send them away. Last summer when we got our foster kids, I had a 6 year old, two three year olds, and two one year olds. It was very crazy, because of their ages, plus our foster kids being so wild and having behavior issues. This summer, I am looking forward to it. The kids are all one year older, plus their behaviors have settled down a lot. Definitely get some help to get you through, but it will get easier.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jennifer above! Also, it's totally OK to tune out during tantrums. Music is great, I have tried it myself when the C-Monster was having terrible long tantrums over, well, everything in the world. The car is the worst place because you can't get away from it! Also, there is NOTHING WRONG with getting some help. Nothing. Nothing wrong with using respite, nothing wrong with having someone watch the kids for a few hours while you do whatever for yourself. I struggled a lot with my decision to send the kids to daycare after staying home with them for 9 months, but guess what - it was the best decision at the time and it has continued to be a blessing to me. Before we made that decision, one of my friends became foster-care approved and she would watch the kids for me for one morning each week, and feed them snack and lunch while I did whatever - usually it was something like grocery shopping in peace, or going for a run. I paid her. And it was worth every penny, and worked wonders for my sanity. Until people have been in your shoes they have NO CLUE how very very hard it is and they have no right to judge.
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