Yesterday Tyke had therapy and he did not talk about anything with the therapist. He went back with her sucked his thumb, wanted to be held, and scribbled on paper. I am okay with it even though I know that means there is no further progress in her reports to the caseworker or CASA. Tyke is only really encouraged to talk about it for about 1 hour a week and that is a lot for a 2 year old.
I have struggled with the advice I have been given regarding how to handle it when he talks about trauma he has experienced or acts it out in some way. Persons from child protection have told me not to ask questions, to redirect him, , to tell him, "We don't do that here," and then to get up and move away, and even (I think this was the worst advice ever) to put him in timeout. When I have taken them to appointments to be talked to and looked over I have been told not to prepare him for the interview, etc.
It occurred to me yesterday that never in a million years would I naturally handle a child that way. With my own children I would hug them, I would tell them I was so sorry that happened to them, I would try to get them to talk about it, and I would NEVER drop them off in a room with some stranger to TALK about something without giving them some direction as to why we are there. If I take my kids to a babysitter, the zoo, the doctor, you name it, I tell them why we are going, I tell them what to expect, I reassure any concerns they may have. This is what good responsible adults do! In Tyke's case I feel that all they will allow me to do is to inform him, this person is nice or safe and then move out of the way.
I have been struggling with my instructions on how to handle Tyke. We are always teaching our children even when we don't speak. They learn a lot about what we like or don't like simply by the way we handle them. By following their advice I am teaching Tyke that I don't want to hear about it! I am teaching him that his stories of his life are unimportant to me. If he starts talking all of the advice I have been given are ways to shut him down.
So last night, I rocked him before bed I told him, "I am so proud of you for telling me about when you got hurt. You are a big boy, and it is good when you talk to people like Miss T and Miss P and Miss B about what happened to you. You won't get in trouble, because it is good to tell safe grown ups when bad things happen." It was a lot of words so I seriously doubted how much he was taking in.
Tyke sat up and looked at me with sad eyes, he pulled his thumb out of his mouth and said, "Mommy S hurt me! Uncle hurt me!" He went on to tell me more, and this time I hugged him, I told him that I was so sorry that happened to him, and I encouraged him to talk about it with me whenever he wanted. I encouraged him to talk about it with Miss T (his therapist), Miss P (his caseworker) and Miss B (the investigator) too, so they could help keep him safe. That was it, and I knew that it was right.
In other news... Mommy S failed to show up for the Team meeting that was scheduled yesterday. She was a no call, no show. I am glad because I am getting really tired of the caseworker telling me how nice she is and how hard it is to imagine she could do these things. From what I understand, she doubts Tyke knows what he is talking about, and maybe it was someone else besides bio-Mom. I am praying that God will continue to bring the truth to light. I asked the therapist yesterday, if at 2 years old, Tyke could be making these things up, she told me that she did not think it was possible.
I am praying that whatever evidence is needed, will be found so Miss P and Miss B will get on board and protect these boys. If you do nothing but look at Tyke and you can see marks of abuse, but I was told that since he was so young there was little that could be done. First I was told Tyke couldn't talk, so I must be mishearing him. I prayed and he proceeded to talk up a storm to anyone who came through our door. Then I was told that because Tyke said these things to me, it would not be enough, so I prayed and Tyke talked about all kinds of abuse on his first day to the therapist. On that day, the therapist asked me to sit in the room so Tyke would not be afraid. Then I was told that, because I was in the room, I could be influencing him to say these things. Again, the abuse could not be substantiated. I prayed again and Tyke willingly went down the long hallway and spoke without me. Even with all of that the abuse does not seem to be substantiated. There is still not enough evidence. So I am praying again. We have an appointment April 5th to look for additional evidence that can be documented. I am praying it will be there. I am praying and praying and praying. It may be the strangest thing I have ever prayed about.
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