Jonah

You know the story of Jonah most likely.  A prophet of the Lord, he is told by God to go and tell and the evil city of Ninevah to change its ways or it will be destroyed.  Jonah doesn't want the job.  He runs away and gets swallowed up by a great fish after being thrown overboard (I am leaving out details obviously).  Jonah prays and 3 days later the fish chucks him out and God tells Jonah, "Go deliver my message" and Jonah does.  Then Jonah waits in anger for the Lord to deliver the punishment the people of Ninevah have coming.  He waits and gets angry with God.  God doesn't destroy the city, but shows mercy because the people repent due to Jonah's message.  Jonah is angry and God lets him know that he prefers mercy and Jonah should want the same.

Well, last night I realized something.  I am Jonah.  For the first time ever in hearing the Jonah story I actually sympathized with Jonah.  The people of Ninevah did evil things.  Bio-mom has done evil things.  They hurt the Israelites and for all we know they may have hurt some people Jonah himself cared very deeply for. Bio-mom has caused pain in 3 boys I love very much.  Then God has the audacity to ask Jonah to help deliver a message that would help this city get mercy instead of retribution.  God is asking me to pray for bio-mom and seek her salvation and redemption.  Jonah got mad and rejected God's request for awhile.  I got mad and ignored God's request for awhile.

I am still struggling here.  I wonder... Did Jonah think Yes God, I delivered your message.  Yes, they all appear to be repenting, but how do I know they won't behead anymore of my friends? They will just go back to their old ways. And their old ways were evil and full of violence and perversion.  Jonah had to question whether God could really set people free from that.  He had to question whether his message was ultimately going to cause more pain to those he loved, while God gave more time to the lost souls of Ninevah.

Jonah is so angry at being a part of God's mercy that he claims multiple times he would rather die.  I say that in my own way.  I know in my heart I would rather walk away from everything than be a part of sending the boys or any children back home to be further abused.  I have MAJOR trust issues here, but they aren't with her, they are with God.

As we read through Jonah last night and I heard all the usual responses of how wrong Jonah was I wanted to shout, "DO ANY OF YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH PAIN JONAH IS IN???"  Letting go of certain atrocities to play a part in God bring forgiveness and redemption to certain people is no easy thing.  This man was a prophet, a man favored by the Lord of all heaven to communicate with, and he struggled with his sense of justice and God's sense of mercy. 

In the end we see that Jonah's struggle is futile.  God is a God of mercy and he rescues the people of Ninevah from themselves and he tries to do the same for Jonah's sinful attitude.  It is up to Jonah to decide whether he is willing to see things God's way, but that doesn't change God's Way.  No amount of pouting or shouting is going to change who He is

I am not going to stay an angry Jonah towards bio-mom.  This doesn't serve myself or my Father.  I am taking steps even though they hurt and even though I struggle with some cynicism.   My first step in reaching out was a little note and some pictures of the boys.  My next step in walking away from my Jonah attitude is my prayer.  I am praying for bio-mom's redemption and salvation.  I am praying for her with my heart and not just my lips ( I pray also that we would be able to adopt the boys because I do want them to stay here forever).  Today as the play therapist shared plans for partnering with bio-mom to help her turn things around I made a conscious choice to lay down my anger (after about 10-20 minutes of fretting.  I am not gonna lie here.)  Ultimately, I pray I will have the grace to promote and accept God's Way because there really is no other road to peace.