Oh the Craziness

Well, Tot has been a real struggle for me.  He does things that any 2 year old would do, but he does them to such excess.

  On the way to church Wednesday night he actually got to sit in a row in the van by himself.  I am used to something starting with Tot and someone every time we try to go anywhere.  There appears to be hitting, screaming, and general trouble.  Well Wednesday night he was sitting all by himself.  He flailed, he writhed, he screamed, he flopped his arms all over until finally he whacked himself in the eye.  In the same tattle tale voice he uses to tell on whoever sits by him normally he said, "Momeeeeee, I hit myself in the eye!"  We all hid our laughter.  He had to have a disagreement with someone and with no one available he chose himself.


Yesterday I think Tot, cried, whined, screamed, stomped, and flailed more than he had calm moments.  He ran from me every time I called him for a diaper change, or nap, or to eat, or to help him get his shoes on.  I have been berating myself fiercely for not being more patient with Tot.  Today it hit me, I AM patient with him.  I am soooo patient, but I just don't have endless reserves.  In the afternoon he was happily playing outside for about 2 seconds.  I passed out cookies for snack (I am trying to use up all the fall treats we have been receiving in the mail from family members).  Tot shoved the entire thing in his mouth and then proceeded to point and sob and scream through the cookie because he didn't have a cookie!

At one point I got so upset because he was fighting me for a diaper change and I was trying to avoid a mess. He got corrected, but I knew, I mean I KNEW that he absolutely did not get it and the behavior was going to repeat itself.  Sometimes all he does is hold himself still.  Its deer in the headlights look and I know nothing is going in. I have to calm him down, get eye contact, try to simplify the message and 50% of the time or more I still don't think he gets it.  The reality is in that moment I still needed to get supper, pick up a crying baby, make sure Cy fed the chickens, supervise homework, stop Tyke from climbing the outside of the stair railing, and just finish the stinking diaper change.   I know Dr. Purvis, I am supposed to stop everything, take my time and get eye contact, and use gentle touch and a gentle voice, and increase his sense of "felt safety," but all I have time for (actually I don't really have time) is a quick poopy diaper change.  Those are the moments when I just desperately need a break and there is none to be had.

At some point I wised up and I cried out to God for help.  He answered me and the day calmed down a bit.  Today seems to be better.  Whew!  This stuff is hard hard hard.  I wish I could afford a babysitter and a break tonight.  Maybe after bedtime I will eat like 3 cookies in a row, with milk, and I won't allow myself to feel guilty.  Then I will rush to spend some alone time with my husband because he needs me too.