Good Advice

I was given some good advice last night from a fellow foster mom.  Her children were similarly abused and had major fear issues with visits.

She told me that at first she also coerced her kids into going.  She told them it was going to be all right etc.  Then one day she just stopped.  She made the visit supervisor get them and strap them in and she did not tell them it was going to be alright.  Like me, she felt like she could not promise that.

One day her youngest girl went and hid in a closet.  The visit supervisor dragged her out screaming.  That was a turning point in her case. 

She advised me to let my boys feel however they feel.  Don't tell them it will be fun or good or even okay because I have no idea if it is fun or good or okay for them.  Let the visit supervisor deal with their feelings and when it is no longer easy for the visit supervisor then, maybe just maybe, someone will respect the boys feelings.

I am definitely going to take this tack from now on.  If you were the victim of violent crimes, how would you feel if the person you trusted most made you go and see your abuser repeatedly?  Not only made you go, but they also minimized your feelings and told you it would be okay.   

I know my boys are young, but I cannot tell them how to feel, and I can't promise them that they will like the visit or that it will be okay.  I have no idea what kind of ride I am in for.  I worry about the boys emotional state if I don't help them calmly accept things, but THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE TO CALMLY ACCEPT THIS CRAP!

Sorry to "yell" but this is ridiculous.  I am so tired of it and if they take the boys because I won't "play along" then they take them. Its all in God's hands anyway right?