Catching Up

Ok, I have this bad habit of getting online to write a blog.  Then I get all caught up reading other things and before I know it I am out of time for blogging and there is no update reported.  Sorry about that if there is actually someone who looks forward to my ramblings.  I will try to catch up a bit here.

Well, this week has gone pretty well with the boys.  They are in a good place for the most part.  Nap times are still hard.  I separated the boys again and the last 2 days have gone so much easier.   I am learning to let go of the idea that I can correct every misbehavior.  It has been hard for me to accept that sometimes they just get to have their little fits and there is nothing I am allowed to do that can put a stop to it.  They are coming around anyway.  I really hate sending them to their rooms.  I don't know why.  I would rather swat a bottom than send a child to his/her room.  Maybe it is because I hated that as a child. Foster parents cannot swat a bottom and I am accepting my limitations without grouching about them anymore.  If the behavior has reached a point where it is causing stress to others than any perpetrator in my house is going to their room.  In some ways accepting that has actually been a big burden lifter.  I don't have to be creative and find a way to "snap them out of it" every single time.  I can just send them to their room.  So far it has been simple and effective.  I do want to add that we always work with a time-in first and it works 60-70% of the time. 

We are officially past the point where DC$ can legally file for termination.  Of course no one has actually filed anything.  My last intel informed me that there is a meeting tomorrow with bio-mom, her attorney, and DC$.  I wonder what that is all about?

I wish it would be to discuss voluntary relinquishment, but I know its crazy to get my hopes up like that.  Since I don't live in Never-Never Land I am preparing myself that it will actually be the attorney negotiating with DC$ for more time and making new promises in regards to behavior.  I am also preparing myself that they may actually be trying to work out an agreement for placement with bio-grandma outside of the courtroom.  Maybe they are hoping to put together something the judge can rubber stamp.

Do I sound like a pessimist?  I am becoming one.  All of the information I was given was never backed up by anything official, so for now it is just rumors to me and rumors aren't going to protect the boys' futures.   I, of course, will be praying like crazy about tomorrow. 

I had to be go through licensing stuff last week and I came right out and told the license worker that after this case I am done.  She is such a sweet girl and totally understood.  I saw sadness and resignation cross her face.  We discussed how I have been left out of the loop on things I am legally entitled to know.  I have been ignored, rather than informed about court dates, never seen court reports I am supposed to get, etc.  She shared with me how foster families are generally mistreated and how they just can't hang on to families anymore.  She had gone out of her way to help me in the beginning of this case so I would be given the things the boys were entitled to.  The result of that 'help' was the caseworker getting angry and shutting me out.  This time around she said, "I want to help you, but I think it will only make things harder."  Isn't that sad?  I don't blame her at all. 

I always acknowledge the Lord as being in control of everything.  I say, "Its not up to me."  These things are so easy to say, but walking daily in trust is a whole different thing.