Therapy was good today for the boys. The therapist used another means for the boys to communicate other than talking.
The caseworker came out and said point blank that we needed behavioral responses to things rather than the boys words because little children's words can be so easily manipulated. I let my boys' therapists know this and we are now collecting that sort of evidence.
I called my caseworker today and she sounds amazed that more was not done like this earlier in the case. Me too actually, but no one from the state was any help whatsoever. With no experience in these matters and no direction the case is where it is. The caseworker could take action based on everything that came out of today's therapy, but I don't expect anything.
I had an "ah ha!" moment tonight...
God doesn't need me at all in order to work His will in my family, in DC$, or in anyone around me. My cooperation allows God to perform his will in MY life without so much pain for me. That's it. He doesn't even need me for the boys. I am not vital to the plans He has for others' lives I am vital to his plans for my life. God is God! If he can stop time, holds ultimate power over life and death, and can speak a universe into existence, then He does not need me to accomplish His will!
This is so freeing!!! Being used by God is a privilege for me, not a necessity for God's plans. I don't have to come up with the right convicting words to be used by God to change a heart. I don't have to convince DC$ of the right thing to do. I don't have to have perfect parenting ideas. I don't have to do perfect and be perfect so that everyone's worlds will be perfect. I have no control over that! Oh thank you God that I don't have control over that.
If I say "yes" to something God will use it for my good and if I say "no" he will use that too! Not one life will veer outside the Will of my Heavenly Father because I turned right instead of left, said, "no" instead of "yes," gave another chance instead of giving a time-out. He's using it all, every single second, to do what He wants done and He has no need for part-time help from me or any other "problem solvers" out there.
So now a little celebration.... I have no control! I am free from worrying about how others feel about every little thing! I just need to cooperate with the Lord! I can do that! My mommy used to say I was a very cooperative child. This rocks! I can do it! Woo Hoo!
Okay, my childish celebration is complete. I need to hang onto this and never let it go. God doesn't need me, I need Him.
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