Aftermath of Visits

The visits are confusing Tyke and bringing out his RAD-like tendencies.  The play therapist is officially diagnosing Tyke with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder), but I still think he is healing somewhat.  The diagnosis may help the judge to see the seriousness of what has been done to him.  At least that is admissible in court.

After the last visit Tyke mentioned wanting to go back.  I expected that and was not surprised.  Visits are a holiday of sorts.  There are no real rules or expectations.  He gets to eat and play and what 2 year old would not like that?  Then after this last visit Tyke did not want to get out of the van, but he came willingly enough.  Then he told the visit supervisor he wanted to go with her.  I was thinking he just wanted to go see his B.M. some more.  As she pulled away he cried.  He said, "I want to go with F________, she loves me!" F___ is the visit supervisor.
  "Did she say she loves you?" I asked with a smile.
  "Yes, I want her!" 

So, we are back to the stage where anyone Tyke spends time with has the potential to be his Mommy for now.  I am sad, because of all that I have put in, but I also know that this is what it is like for RAD kids.  This is what I think... These visits are damaging the healthy connection he is building having only 1 primary caretaker.  They are leaving him confused about whom to attach to so he will attach to anyone.  In short the visits are triggering the RAD to be more pronounced.

Then there is Tot.  Well, he is just very combative and screamy today.  This is the case after all visits.  He shows no emotion when he leaves and he shows none when he returns.  You would think he does not mind the visits. He had pretended to infant cry a lot today.  He won't use words he just grunts and cries like Baby.  I remind him he is not a baby, and I offer to give him a hug if he needs it, but I try not to get pulled into the scheme he is attempting to build.  Now, Tot is up in his room still making crying sounds after 30 minutes about having to have naptime.  I know him by now, and he is exhausted, and the "crying" isn't real, it is just to get my attention.  If I go hug him or pat him or whisper to him, or threaten him it won't help.  It just reinforces the behavior so I am sitting outside blogging so I can keep my mind busy.

The only one that is pretty okay today is Baby.  He spent some time with a stranger yesterday.  She fed him and put his pj's on.  Baby is a pretty laid-back little guy so other than getting quiet when others hold him he does not change all that much.  I pray this can continue to be the case.