Cy says prayers with me every night. Well, actually I say prayers with all of them, but my oldest 2 choose to also say their own prayers. Cy says, "God, I just pray for this adoption process since we are almost done."
I hope he's right. He's been praying it every single night for months now. Really, its been ever since we were supposed to have the first termination trial date in February.
Will this thing ever get done?
And now, jump with me off subject and to wherever my crazy brain goes next.
I am feeling like Chi should just STOP all therapy. There is something about constantly asking him what makes him feel bad or sad that is just nagging on me. It seems counterproductive. It's not like we don't talk about big feelings.
Just this weekend he sat on my knee and told me he misses Mommy S and that he likes her and he does not like me. We talked for a long time, but then he was fine. I told him it was okay to love her because she was his first Mommy and I told him it was okay to love me too. On his own he brought up that sometimes she was good Mommy S and sometimes she was bad. He put his arms around me and we had a precious moment in what had started out as a rocky day.
One thing I am learning that my boys each have their own story of what happened to them. I am learning to respect their version of their story. I don't want to give them my views or their siblings. There has been a lot of healing just talking about the trauma as they bring it up and letting them narrate the events without the other brother being a part of the story.
I think the therapy has helped him a little, but that it has helped me a lot. It helped me to understand how they were processing some very big stuff. Now as we have had to miss some appointments I see that it isn't hurting him a bit. It might even be helping. I can't decide what to do.
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