Weary

Galatians 6:9  Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.




This life is not for wimps that is one thing I can say.  If someone ever asked me what my number one prerequisite for foster/adoptive parents it would have to be do not allow wimpy people to sign up.  I am not a wimp.  I may whine, but I am definitely not a wimp... But lately I am so weary.  

In any other line of ministry or work when we get tired we can step back.  We say acceptable Christian phrases like, "I am at a point in my life where I need to pare down," or we say, "I am learning how to say, "no.""  We DO grow weary in doing well and we take breaks.  Even strong people take breaks, wimpy people take A LOT of breaks.  

When you bring a hurting child or children into your home most of us know its not going to be easy.  We weren't looking for easy.  Most of us know that there are no fairy tales, but I think a lot of us did sign up to be a part of a very messy redemption story.  We know its going to be hard and take a long time.  We know we aren't wimps.  We can go a LONG time without a breakthrough.  We just kind of forget that we are opting out of being able to bow out during difficult seasons.  We go through the rollercoaster every day without a break and it becomes exhausting.  Watching that child or children every single day for triggers, trauma, pain, and manipulation  is beyond tiring.

This week as we go back, back, back, to urine, and screaming, lies, manipulations, and destructiveness, I want to quit.  Except... There is NO QUITTING.  These are kids who need me to never, ever, ever, quit on them.  These are kids that can't be healthier if I dump the load, they can only get worse.

Today I wonder, is this what carrying my cross is?  There is pain, and fear, and trauma, and drama, and there is no choice but to keep going.  I can't see redemption.  I can't see the harvest to come.  Its too hard right now.  I can only look at my feet through the tears that stream down my face and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  

I don't know how to not be weary. I'm not sure how to get there, but I do know how to keep going.  I am grabbing that second half of Galatians 6:9.  I hope God understands that I am tired, but that I won't quit.  I will never stop believing that the harvest is coming. 

 Oh Lord Jesus please let me begin to see some of that harvest in Chi.