Back

Its been a crazy busy summer, but we are here.  There are so many things I could post, but I know I won't get it done if I try all that.

This summer has been pivotal in my relationships with extended family,  my children, and my God.  Its strange that after all this time I finally hit my limits as things were actually improving.
I had 3 major realizations this summer.

 One, I have to have healthy boundaries in my life in order to thrive.  I have NEVER had good boundaries.  Even when I did say "no" I carried around others' feelings, desperate for a chance to prove my love in some other way.  I had made myself the responsible for the feelings of others.  If they were happy I was a good person and if they were anything else I had failed somehow.  Then God brought the boys and my self grading system condemned me non-stop.  God is bringing me out of the old unhealthy mindset and helping to free me from these chains of my past.

Two, I learned that hardness of heart is not being angry and distant with God and/or others.  A hard heart happens when we fail to consider what God is capable of in a given situation. When the disciples were amazed that Jesus walked on the water the passage states they were amazed because they failed to consider His previous miracle of the loaves and fish because they had hard hearts.  If all I focus on is the storm then that is all I will see and all I will expect to see (this is where self-fulfilling prophecy comes into play) and anything else is unexpected.  When the day is hard I am learning to cry out expecting actual relief.  This should be my heart... expectation not desperation.

Three,  I am loving this family of mine.  We all have our issues, but we are becoming a unit.  I cannot imagine my life without a single member of this family.  That... is a God thing.