I called the visit supervisor to confirm there was actually a visit today. Yes. So I am readying the boys for a visit instead of VBS tonight.
My face was blank and I felt the brick in my chest. Is this really happening? She has made 4 in a row. They will be heading home at this rate. I cried.
I know that these boys will go wherever the Lord determines they should go. I can't see any good in reunification, but I am not Him.
There is a tiny part of me that just wants to call and say, "I can't do this. Take them out." I don't want the lingering loss upon loss as the boys are pulled away more and more and I am less and less to them.
I am a Foster Mom and I should cheer for the reunification, but I know what she did. I will never post that here, because its their private story and even in the anonymity of cyberspace it feels like a violation to them.
I guess its okay to cry a little. I will get the boys up from naps now and get them in a good mood about seeing her.
So sad for you. I know your pain. Visits stink. Kids coming back from visits all hopped up on sugar and rule-free living stink. Courts who give kids back to people who do terrible things stink. Yes, God is in control. The only time I feel halfway okay about what's going on is when I'm praying. So I pray alot.
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