Possibilities and Decisions.

Tonight I learned that the next scheduled court date is June 20th.  I also learned that the boys' bio-Mom is not working the plan... at all.  Bio-mom cancelled the last two visits she had, she has missed meetings, trainings, testings, etc.  I learned that visitation has been suspended again.  I learned that already they are going to attempt to move toward termination of parental rights.   I am told that there is no family coming into the picture except one who is unsuitable. I am not supposed to know any of this...

So what is this???  Is God moving sooner rather than later in these boys' life?  I pray this is true.  They are young and beautiful and they are full of potential.  Is this just one man's unrealistic ideas of what may happen?  Where does this leave my family? 

My family... On the worst days, when I wanted to hide in my bedroom and cry I did not want these boys to leave.  I have felt overwhelmed, and incapable of this task... repeatedly, but I do not want them to leave.

 I am scared, because I know that I would sign papers tomorrow, and bind these boys to us.   I am stuck in this rut, we have the room, we have the car, we have Jesus, what else do we need?  I would love them, and train them, and teach them of Jesus, everyday from now until forever, but some in my family are daunted.  It's 3 babies, and they have changed our entire lifestyle.  They are 3 hurting children and they take all we have to offer and still want more, they cry for more, they scream for more, and we are left feeling... inadequate, overwhelmed, and sad. I stare into their precious faces and wish, that if we were offered a chance, the decision would be mine alone to make, but it is not.  We must make this decision as a family to be willing to be bound to one another as we are in marriage...

 for better, 

for worse, 

for richer, 

for poorer, 

in sickness, 

and in health,

forever, and ever.

So again, I ask you to pray.