God is so kind to give me peaceful days. I actually start to think that maybe I did something right and we are moving into happily ever after.
Then a certain toddler takes a stick to his sister. He gets sent to his room where meltdowns begin. I am tired (not feeling therapeutic) and I am just trying to shut it down. He could have put her eye out and I don't want to have to hold him right now so he feels good about himself. I am tired.
I shutdown the nonsense in a not so sweet way. What does that mean now? It means this toddler is now going to do whatever he can to thwart my authority and I will be in a tug of war until I go to him and intentionally connect.
Except... I don't feel like connecting with a loaded gun. If I don't do it right we all pay the consequences. Sometimes this is hard because it all feels based on how I perform. Was my voice soft enough? Was eye contact threatening? Maybe I am giving him the wrong foods. Did I do it all right? Am I creating that loving connection?
There is so much improvement, I kind of forget when things go downhill. God is working in all of us. I just want to love this boy of mine and days like this it's really hard because I know its up to me, to help him find his footing. He's being disobedient right this moment... it's just hard sometimes.
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